Sabotaged by an angel!

I haven't been posting much lately because my daughter snapped my wireless modem in half. She was sitting at the table watching her fish. We have a small tank on the shelf in the corner of the L shaped bench on our dinning room table. She was being good so I didn't even think about the laptop on the table near her when I took Christopher into the bed room. He needed to be rocked to sleep.

I wasn't out of the room for more than two minutes when I heard "CRACK". I ran into the dinning room thinking "What the heck was that?" When I arrived in the dining room Evie was sitting at the table using wet wipes to wash the table. In hind sight she did look a little guilty when I entered the room. As if her eyes said, "What did I do?" I thought maybe she broke the wet wipe container opening it. I put Christopher in bed and came right back to the dinning room. This time I caught her. She was trying to fix the external wireless modem, the kind that plug into a USB port. She had snapped it off and the plug was still in the USB hub.

I was so mad, but knew it was my own fault. I couldn't get mad at her. I put her in the living room as I told her, "You don't play with mommy's stuff!" She just shook her head "Yes". I thought yeah right this is a conversation we will have many more times over the next 18 or so years. Not to mention the other things I will be replacing after my angels get through with them! Oh, the joys of parenting, but I wouldn't trade them for anything!

Christmas Pictures!

These were are Christmas pictures. I actually couldn't get the kids to sleep one afternoon, and thought hey lets go get some pics taken for Christmas. It worked out great, and it was fun. The lady who took the pictures was amazing. She got the kids to laugh and smile so easily. The hardest thing was getting them to sit still. However, even that wasn't to bad.

The only bad thing was that they charged me 150$ for the CD with the pics on it. They told me all the pics that were taken would be on the cd. They actually took around 20 pics, but the cd only had 8 pictures on it. They totally lied to me. I was told that none of the pictures would be deleted, but you can tell based on the numbers of the files that some were deleted. Plus, I was there and know that more than 8 pictures were taken. This was one of those places that sets up inside K-mart. Don't go there ever! I recommend JcPenny. They are the only ones that I have used over the years and will use again. This one was just for fun, and I had a coupon. That's how they get you. Then they lie to you and charge you a fortune.



These are my angels. Aren't they precious.

Trip to the library!

We weren't at the library long, but it was fun. I had to take the stroller, and it is to cold outside for a stroller. At least the sidewalks were totally clear at the library. We were only outside for a couple minutes, but I was freezing and concerned about the kids.

First we went to the adult section. The kids fussed a little, but were surprisingly quiet. I kept reminding them that mommy's turn was first then theirs, but they had to be good for mommy. It worked. I think it helped that first we walked through the children's section so they saw what lay ahead and were excited about it. Plus, I hurried as fast as I could. If a title sounded like it might contain information regarding sleep issues, potty training, binkies, and bottles then I grabbed it. Basically I grabbed them all, until my bag was full!

In the children's section I let them walk around. Christopher was so excited. They checked out the fish tank for a while. I helped them grab some books. They each have library bags. They were gifts from the library when the kids were born. Then Evie sat down to color. At this point I noticed a fowl smell. Christopher had a dirty diaper. To save room I left the diaper bag in the car. It hadn't been 20 minutes since their last diaper change before leaving the house. So we had to leave.

Evie screamed, "I coloring!" repeatedly!
I felt so bad. But we had to go. I changed Christopher in the car. I could have grabbed the diaper bag and went back inside, but I already had one fight to get out. I wasn't looking forward to another one. It was cold, but I hurried. He didn't seem cold at all. He was in the car, and mommy was the one half in half out! All in all it was a fun trip. Next time I will bring in 2 diapers and wet wipes! Just in case!

I am looking forward to our next visit to the library. It was fun, and I recommend it to anyone. Plus, it is free!

Bad mommy!

I must be an awful parent. I can't seem to get right some of the simplest things. I can't get my kids to sleep without a fight. I can't even get them to sleep all night. I don't know if other people have these problems or not. It seems like they don't. At their age both the kids should be sleeping around 12 hours straight at night. Everything I've read says there is no need for them to have a bottle during the night either. Apparently they didn't read that article!

People tell me to just put them in bed and let them cry. That crying doesn't hurt them. But they don't just cry. They scream like they are petrified. They have tears and snot streaming down their faces, and cry so badly. I can't do that to them. It is too traumatic. I can't believe that other people could or would do that. It seems horrible. Know that is just my opinion, and I am not an expert. I am only a mom!

I can't get my kids of the bottle or binkie either. My mom constantly harps me. Evie is over 1 and doesn't need a bottle, and now I hear it about Christopher he will be 1 soon. Why does 1 have to be the magic number? Can't 2 or 3 be that number. I know why it has been hard on Evie, she sees her brother with a bottle everyday. Now I've got to get them both off the bottle. I am trying to offer sippy cups throughout the day. They don't really drink out of them much. Christopher doesn't appear to lift the cup up enough to even get a drink without help. That is my fault to I've always held his bottle instead of making him do it. He can, but he gets distracted and stops. So I just always fed him.

These things seem so simple. However, they seem to be the hardest to solve. In theory everything in the parenting books sounds so easy, but the reality is not so straight forward. Lay your baby down awake so he/she learns to self soothe. Yeah, right. Until the moment you lay them down and they scream and scream. Like your not going to pick up that baby.

I just feel like somewhere or some how I did everything wrong. Because nothing seems to work the way it is supposed to. My kids are very loving, independent, and outgoing so something is working. I am thankful for that. It just seems like the simpler things elude me some how. I went to the library and checked out as many parenting books as I could carry. I didn't have time to look at them at the library. With both the kids I was glad they were quiet long enough for me to grab the books I got. So I checked them out and maybe they will help. If not the library has a couple of shelves with parenting books still on them! So we will see.

Just one of those days!

I am so tired. If you don't get enough sleep one night it ends up catching up with you. I feel so run down. It doesn't help that due to my son's excessive hair pulling I keep my hair pulled back. After a couple days of having my hair in a pony tail I get the worst head aches. The past two days have been non stop headache despite my poping advil like candy.

I need a hair cut soon. I just always put things like that off, or at least I do since I've become MOM! I want a cut that is easy! So I don't have to do anything to my hair, but brush it. I don't want to look stupid though! I am afraid to get my hair cut. I went to the same girl for years, but she quit after having her second child. I just don't know who to trust.

I never know how I want my hair cut. That's why I liked her she would always come up with something! I am not picky. My philosophy is you can't mess it up! It will grow back. Just as long as I don't end up bald! Plus, I want to look like I've had my hair cut. I hate cuts that don't even look like you had a hair cut after a couple of days. What a waste of money!

I'm the last on the list for everything including spending money. Actually, I'm not the last my husband is. He needs new clothes bad, but won't allow me to spend money on him to buy some! He wears shirts with holes in them. I was sewing them, but my machine broke and I haven't taken it in to get fixed. Again, I don't want to spend the money. I now I need to, but it's toward the bottom of the list.

I just wish someone would come over and clean up the house. I want to go to bed!

Better Night!

Last night was better. I couldn't get the kids to sleep though. They didn't fall asleep until around 10:30 or 11pm. I don't know how people get their kids to sleep. Mine are so difficult. I refuse to put them in bed and just let them scream. So we do whatever. Some nights they fall asleep watching TV. Most of the time I have to rock my son. Or carry him in my arms swaying him back and forth or up and down until he falls asleep. I am getting really sore, so it must be good exercise. Without good sleep it is the only exercise I have energy for!

Last night Christopher woke up at 2:45am, and had a bottle then went right back to bed. He woke up again at 7:10, and had a bottle this time it took a little rocking to get him back to sleep. Then he woke up around 9 for the day. The only bad thing was my daughter woke up at 8, so I didn't get extra sleep. All in all it was a pretty relaxing night, once they fell asleep!

Worst Night!

Ok last night didn't go so well. Christopher woke up a lot. He ate a bottle before bed at around 8pm from then until 7:30am he ate almost 3 more bottles. The last one was only about half. He woke up another time because I moved his bed. I felt it was to close to the heater. He woke up another time, but I told myself if he wasn't crying I was not to go in. So I listened on the baby monitor and that time he fell back to sleep on his own. So all in all he was up 5 times.

That was not the worst part. The worst part was me. I could not sleep. I kept checking on him, and listening to the baby monitor. I need one with a camera so I can watch, or at least glance at him when I worry. I want a wireless one with two cameras so I can watch both kids where ever and when ever I want to. It is hard to let go and allow your kids to grow up. I was really worried he might cry and I not hear him. I imagined him crying all night long.

I was a wreck all night long. I don't think I slept much at all. The good part was that Evie slept pretty good having the bed to herself most of the night. If only I could get her to go to sleep in her own bed. One thing at a time. I think that it is really me who isn't ready for all this growing up stuff! My babies aren't babies their toddlers now. Just growing up and up!

His own room!

Tonight is Christopher's first night in his own room. I want to move to a 3 bedroom apartment in our building, but my husband said "NO". I told him the kids need their own rooms. I believe it is the only way to get them to sleep all night. Now that being said, I am afraid I could be wrong. If I make us move, even though my husband doesn't want to I had better be right. Or I will never hear the end of it. So we are testing it out. On Christopher because he is used to sleeping on his own anyways, but he has always been within a couple of feet from me.

So now finally he is in his own bed in his own room, AKA the "toy room". All this was good in theroy, but I feel sad. I can't sleep. I keep worrying about him. To make matters worse I just had the most horrible thought, what if he wakes up petrified because it doesn't look the same. He might be frightened and not know where he is. I know I'm a little nerotic and need to let go, but I can't. He's my baby. Plus out of both of my children he is the only one who ever has had any problems. He has Laryngomalacia, acid reflux, excema, and a very sensitive gag reflex. He is the child that makes me worry.

Wish me luck. It is already after 9pm and the kids have been asleep for an hour. I am enjoying the quiet, but I should be enjoying the sleeping time. I know they will be up early if not during the night!

If this works we will be moving into a 3 bedroom! Maybe I will get my bed back soon! I am not holding my breath!

Christopher Eating Update

I bought some bowls that sucktion cup down to the high chair tray. I don't like them, but they were the only ones Walmart had in stock. I wasn't willing to wait or look around, because we need them now. So we got them. He did really well tonight. We had Hamberger Helper, Cheese burger and macaroni, and he loved it. He feed himself mostly with me sneeking in a few bites for him. He doesn't do so good with a spoon. I hope he had enough to eat! He was so dirty afterwards, but so happy.

I am still looking for suggestions on healthy finger foods that are safe if anyone has any ideas. I tried to bake some carrots that I cut into tiny strips, but that didn't work. He couldn't chew them and gagged a little so I took them away for another day. I ate them though and they were really good.

Walker!

My little man is officially a walker! He has been cruising around since 9 months. He has been taking a couple steps on his own for about a month now. However, yesterday he just took off. He started walking all over. It was like he realized that he could do it. Now he is walking across the room going here and there. He still falls and takes off crawling. But the moment he gets somewhere to pull himself up he is off again. He also does this really cute bear walk. He has been doing that for about 2 months now. It is the sillies cutest thing I've ever seen.

The best part about it is Evie's reaction to him walking. She says, "Yea, baby walk!" She also says, "Baby, cute walk!" Then she will follow him chanting, "GO, GO, walk!" How cute is that! If you ask her she will say, "My baby walk!"

This is so much fun!

A Little Help Please!

I am running out of ideas and need help! What kinds of foods are safe for an 11 month old to eat by himself? He has 2 teeth on the bottom and 4 on the top. He will only eat foods he can feed himself. Here is the problem they can't be choking hazards, need to be healthy, and not so messy? I am at a loss, and can't come up with anything. I am not very good at kitchen things! I have cooked more since my son has been born than I did the entire 10 years my husband and I had been together prior to that. If it wouldn't save money I would never cook. I am learning as I go, and despirately need help. Any ideas would be GREATLY appreciated.

Note, the simpler the better! I am not that great of a cook!

I'll do it!

My son refuses to eat anything I feed him. He screams when I try to give him a bottle. He spits out the food I spoon into his mouth. He wants to do it himself. I put a cheerio into his mouth he spit it out, and then put on in his mouth and ate it. The same thing with all his meals. I had to give him his plate last night so I could get him to eat dinner.

I know you are probably saying he's about 1 and should be starting to feed himself. The problem is the mess. He gets it everywhere. I'm talking he'd need a bath after every meal, and I need to shampoo the carpets. Last night The bowl was tossed over 3 times. Not intentionally, he's just not coordinated enough. When he tries to spoon out food the dish goes to. I need one that sticks to the high chair. Do they make those?

Once the dish ended up on my chest. I was picking food up off the floor! He did throw it over once he was done to! That was so much fun. The worst thing is it leaves me worring did he eat enough? I didn't really have this issue with my daughter. She still makes a horrible mess, but she didn't want to feed herself until later on. At that point she was coordinated enough she didn't have trouble. The mess she makes is because she likes to wear her food!

The fever!

It started Saturday night around 2 am, Christopher woke up crying and felt super hot to touch. I took his temp 102. I immediately gave him some motrin. It took a little bit, but I finally got him back to sleep. Then at 4 am he woke up again fever 102 again. I gave him some tylenol. I was worried but since within about 30 minutes each time his fever went down and he went back to sleep. I know that all in all a fever isn't a bad thing, it's our bodies defense against something. I was worried about what that something could be.

All day Sunday is was mostly his normal self. A little bit grouchier than normal and had a low fever off and on all day. He didn't seem to want to eat much. He only wanted to eat foods he could feed himself, and he refused a bottle. This could be due to not feeling so well or just a faze of growing up and developing his independence. Either way it is not pleasant.

Sunday night was the same as before up all through the night with a fever. What worried me the most was it was higher. Monday morning his fever spiked at 103.5. It took longer to go down, but within an hour he was playing and talking in the living room. He woke up from his nap Monday in a horrible sweat. So I took him to the doctor. They said his exam looked normal. So keep watching him and giving tylenol and motrin. He does have a little cough but other than that and the fever nothing.

His behavior has changed drasticlly though. He is still playing and talking, but he is cranky and mean. He doesn't want to sleep at all. So I have to fight with him to get him to sleep. This is new he was never this much trouble. He kicks his legs and arches his back when I try to hold him to put him down to sleep. I have to walk around gently bouncing him and swaying him back and forth until he falls asleep. Then sometimes he wakes up when I lay him down and starts screaming. So I have to start all over again!

He also doesn't want his bottles. The doctor looked and he doesn't have thrush or anything. I know he is at the age to get off bottles anyways, but sometimes he cries because he is hungry and it's 2 am. What are you going to do? He doesn't drink from a sippy cup much. Actually, he has trouble with it, he chokes because it comes out so fast. I think this is because he is used to drinking thicker liquids. I have always had to thicken his formula due to his acid reflux.

Plus, he only wants to feed himself, and is not letting me feed him. I give him a plate, but he just turns it over, and then he accidently drops it. He also tosses it over when he is done to. He doesn't really try to use his spoon. I know it will take practice, but it doesn't seem he is ready. Maybe he is trying to tell me he is.

I don't think he is teething. I don't feel or see anything. But that doesn't mean anything. He is chewing on everything, but he always does that. I don't know if he is still runing a fever it is hard to take his temp. Unless he is feeling really bad he won't sit still for me. So I usually don't force it unless he feels really hot. If he is cranky and feeling a little warm I give him motrin or tylenol. I just wish he could tell me exactly what was bothering him!

The worst part of all this is I am exausted. I ache all over from carrying him and rocking him in my arms while standing. I am tired from not sleeping enough. On top of all this I have a headache from the crying. I am quickly lossing my patience and compassion. I feel so bad for saying that, but it is true. I am at a point where I just want to say, "Oh, shut up!" That breaks my heart, and makes me feel like a horrible mother. I just want my nice predictable baby back. It is like in the middle of the night he was switched, and now he's a monster.

ticked off!

I was just about finished with today's post about how the kids play together, but I accidentally deleted it so I am not going to post today! Have a nice day!

Potty train derailed or on track?

Well I have no idea what I am doing or what to do. Don't tell my husband though, or I will deny it! We have been working on potty training. I haven't pushed the issue because I didn't think she was ready. Lately I am not so sure. The past couple days she has undressed herself for a bath. Then today after dinner she was filthy. She was wearing most of her dinner. So I took off her clothes and let her play in her diaper. Big mistake. She came into the dinning room naked. She looked at me and said, "Poop!" While she pointed toward the toy room.

I thought, "Oh, Crap!" Literally. I walked to her and saw her diaper on the floor a few feet from her. I slowly walked down the hall as if I might find a ghost or some monster. As I carefully searched the floor I saw it. A big pile of tiny turds! At least it wasn't on any toys and if wasn't to squishy! You know the kind I'm talking about. I used the diaper to pick it up and toss it. Then I washed the spot on the floor and all was well.

I asked her, "Why didn't you put the poop in the potty?" She knows poop and pee goes in the potty, but I didn't get any response other than a stare. As if she were saying, "I'm not telling!" I'm not sure if she knew she had to go and just wanted to go there. Maybe she was busy playing. I don't know. I do know that it is time to start the potty training. But where, how.

She will sit on the potty chair with clothes, but naked not so much. One problem is that her brother constantly tries to climb on her. Giving her little privacy unless we are in the, but she doesn't want to sit in the bathroom. I have heard of giving toys every time they go, but if you start that where does it end? I also don't want to rush her or force it, but if she is ready I want to guide her the right way.

My flier!

A few months ago Evie was running around the house with her arms behind her back. She told me she was flying! She does it all the time now! In fact she flies on command, and gladly shows anyone how fast she can fly! She always wants to walk now! So when I want to hurry or just have to carry her I hold her like a football under my arm and tell her she is flying. It works she loves it! If I don't say anything she will tell me, "I flying ma ma!" Then while I am holding her she holds her arms out from her sides or sometimes out in front of her like super girl! It is so cute!

Don't feed the monkeys!

There is a reason signs like this are posted in zoos and parks. Certain behavior should not be encouraged. Regardless of how cute or fun the behavior seems at that point in time. I wish people would not feed my monsters. Or in other words I do not want them to encourage certain behaviors that turns my angels into monsters.

For example, if one of my children smack you, headbutt you, pull your hair, scratch you, bite you, and the list could go on... don't laugh or do anything to encourage the behavior. I can not stop these undesirable habits if I am the only one telling the kids no. It is not cute. It is not funny. Maybe a head but from a one year old might seem funny to an adult. It probably doesn't hurt much. However, imagine how that same head butt feels to a two year old.

Every time you allow a child to act this way you are saying, "it is ok to do this!" They look to us for guidance on what is acceptable behavior in society. They do not understand, "It is ok to be rough with daddy, grandpa, uncle, or whoever, but not sister!"

So what do you do? That is the easy and hard part. Talk to them. Tell them, "Ouch, that is called (whatever they have done), and that hurts!" If they continue to do it, put them down. I tell my kids I will not play with you if you are going to do that (whatever it is). I am not saying they are perfect, but they know mommy means business!

Give them a little time out. I have been using time outs for my kids starting at 9 months.
Evie gets about a minute in time out, and Christopher gets about 30 seconds. It is usually much less. The point is to make them take a second and understand this behavior will not be accepted. It is not fun for you or the kids. Nobody likes to be the meanie, but allowing this behavior turns your angel into the meanie! You know who he is, the kid that nobody plays with because he isn't nice!

The hard part is you have to be consistent and you can't laugh at them! Ah, there's the rub! Don't even smile at them. Ignore the cuteness, and bite your lip or turn your head. They will devour you if they sense weakness! I am not kidding. My kids already know us well enough to know if we think they are funny. If they get that impression all is lost! Who doesn't want to make mommy or daddy smile!

Birthday coming up!

I don't know what to do for my son's first birthday. I want to do something special, but what. I don't what a big fuss. I don't want to spend a lot of money either. I do want something that we can take pics of and tell him about later. He doesn't need any toys. I'm still trying to find places for all the Christmas gifts. He does need clothes. I thought of having a small party inviting friends with small kids so they can all play. I just don't know what to do. I can't even decide what type of cake to get.

My daughter will be 2 in March. Her birthday is easy. We are going to Chicago to the Shedd Aquarium. She loves fish! I'm not buying toys, because she has to many as it is. I will probably get her some clothes to or shoes. I don't know. Since her day will be so fun I feel like Christopher's day needs something! After all it is his first, but on the other hand he won't remember it either!

Any thoughts out there?

Overparenting?

I read an article in "Cookie" that talked about over parenting or helicopter parenting that really got me thinking. Do I or am I over parenting? First of all being a mom is my job, literally it's what I do, stay at home mom. So how do you over do that? Maybe I am just really good at my job!

Ok. Ok. My kids cry for mommy all the time. Especially my son, but he's only 11 months. That's what they do at that age, Right? I know they prefer mommy most times, but that is because I am always here for them. I change the diapers, make the food, kiss the boo-boos, give the baths, and on and on. Daddy helps, but in this house daddy means big fun. Seriously, he's a sucker.

Alright, time to be honest here. I am a little of a helicopter, but I give them their space as well. I do hold back when it comes to letting them do things on their own. I don't do it on purpose I just want to make sure they are safe and healthy. For example neither of my children held their own bottles until about a year old. Evie knew how to hold her bottle, but choose not to. She preferred me holding it instead, but when her baby brother was born she was forced to hold her own more often. Mommy only has two hands right. Often, I was still stuck holding a child in each arm and a bottle in both hands! Now Christopher only holds his bottle when he is really hungry! Which is my fault because I was always worried about him eating enough. He was always more interested in playing than eating! So I would hold him and feed him.

Evie is almost 2 and I can't get her off the bottle. I think it is because she sees her brother with one so she wants one to. Lately she says that she is the baby. She wants to be rocked and cuddled just like a baby. I think it is because Christopher is getting attention because he is learning to walk. We are trying so hard to encourage him without letting her feel left out!

Evie still sleeps in my bed. I have no idea when or how to get her out of my bed. I started sleeping with her in my arms when she was about 3 weeks old. Unfortunately, she never learned to soothe herself, and sleep on her own. Now nap and bed time I have to lay down with her so she can fall asleep. Otherwise she stays up late and doesn't sleep enough. Which makes life almost unbearable for the rest of us! She can be very cranky!

Now Christopher is about to turn one and make the switch from formula to whole milk. As well as hopefully ditch the bottle with little protest. I am not holding my breath on that one! He does reject his bottle more often than not during the day, but at night he downs two or three bottles. I still can't get him to sleep through the night! One day, some day I hope to sleep all night without anyone waking me up! One can dream right!

I know most of my problems are my own fault. The worst part is that know I don't know how to fix them. I can't take away bottle and binkies when the kids cry for them. I will not just let them cry. I am hoping that eventually they will stop asking for the on their own. I am just not going to advertise there existence. If the ask for them then they ask for them. Well, that is my plan for now. I know the pediatrician won't like it, but he doesn't have to hear the kids cry. The worst part is that when one cries the other usually starts in shortly after!

Insomnia

I can't sleep and it is killing me. I am tired, but then my head hits the pillow and I can't sleep. All day my head has been empty, but when I lay down thoughts start swimming around my in my head. What to do, what not to do, grocery lists, budgets, birthdays, the past year, the next year, and anything else that climbs in there. I spent most of the day in a tired fog, and now my head is working overtime.

I took a nap with the kids. Which now I am thinking "big mistake". I was tired until I went to lay down! I hope this helps, because it's late and I NEED sleep!

I know some of my problem is stress. I am stressed over money, marriage, life, parenting, and anything else that list doesn't cover. Actually, my marriage is doing surprisingly well. Considering that we hardly get any time to ourselves, sex is a foreign word no longer in our vocabulary. I mean we share our bed with a toddler. The most exciting thing going on in there is dodging kicks throughout the night! But we love each other and I can't imagine ever loving anyone else, or ever being without him. He's my knight in shining armor.

I am stressed over money. Especially since I don't work. I feel like I need to find ways to stretch our money as far as possible. I also feel guilty for wanting things, they cost money! I feel guilty for not working, and that my husband has to work. I don't like that he feels he has to carry the financial burden alone. I wish I could find good work at home! I don't have money to start an at home business, especially one that may not succeed!

I am stressed over the kids. They still take bottles and binkies. I don't know how to not. I give them sippies throughout the day. My son doesn't even hold his bottle most times. I know I have over parented. I can't help it. It's my job, and I am good at it. Too good in areas, and not so good in others. Neither of my kids sleep all night without a bottle or two, or three. I lay down each night with my kids until they fall asleep. I don't know how to get them to sleep any other way! We all sleep in one room. I don't know if they need their own room or not, but I am so afraid of something happening to them. Plus, for them to have their own rooms we would have to move. Something not undo-able (I don't know if that is a word!). I just don't know what to do about these things.

Pizza anyone?

Today is the worst day, as far as cooking goes. Nothing is working out. I was going to make Chicken Caccitore, but my husband used most of the chicken. To my horror what chicken he did leave me smelt funny. Well one piece did, and I wasn't going to chance it. So that idea went out with the trash. Then I figured spaghetti would be nice. We had no hamburger for meat sauce. I like meat sauce. So I thought sausage would be fine. I have used sausage before and it turned out fine. This was not one of those times. It tastes weird! It said regular sausage, but it tastes like it has some kind of spices in it. I don't know which ones, but their in there. So I'm thinking suck it up and eat the funky pasta, or order pizza. Money is a little tight right now so I'll wait and see what daddy thinks!

Time for sleep!

It's almost a perfect night. Both kids are asleep. Christopher fell asleep around 8 and Evie around 10. Now I can't sleep. I don't know why. Earlier I couldn't stay awake, but now I can't shut my eyes. I can't stop thinking about stupid stuff.

I said something really bad about someone today and I shouldn't have said it. I think that is what is bothering me. I know what I said will get back around to me. I was just mad at the time. The person I said it about has used me and taken advantage of me in the past. Not to mention she has also stolen from me. That doesn't give me a right to say anything about her. What I said was in my opinion true, but very harsh. I may have slightly over exaggerated it. The worst part is that I honestly have no right to judge her. The comment was about her parenting skills. Every one and every child is different. We all make mistakes!

That's not all that is on my mind. I feel bad because I don't work. I want things that we don't really have the money to buy. I feel like I shouldn't want them since I don't work, for money! I want to work, but I want to be here for my children! I know many women work and still have great relationships with their children. However, I remember my mom working when I was little we never saw her, and when we did she was so tired. There were fun times, but not many. I remember feeling that it was my fault she had it so rough. She was 17 when she got pregnant with me. So in my mind that was my fault. If only I hadn't come along. (Keep in mind this was the thinking of a child.) I don't want my kids to feel that way ever. Everything I do I do for them because I want to. They complete me. I couldn't function without them.

Little Stinker!

We arrived home from Michigan, visiting the In-Laws since Tuesday, a few hours ago. I have been cleaning and the kids have been destroying the house, playing hard core. If you watch them you would think that you were watching a wrestling show, no joke.

Finally, Christopher realized he was tired, really, really overtired. He had a complete melt down and just started screaming. I put him into his pj's and was trying to put him to sleep. When his sister came into the bedroom all decked out in her princess gear. The crown on her head with streamers running down the back, and her pink feather boa across her shoulders. She also had her pink Hello Kitty purse in hand.

I looked at her and said, "No, go play with daddy!" She just stood there staring at me. I made my voice sound mean and said, "Get out. Your brother has to go to sleep. Get Out!"

She turned around and walked out of the doorway to the room, and then as she turned to face me she held out her arm with her purse in it. This put her arm and purse in the room, but the rest of her out in the hallway. She looked at me with a smirk, as if to say, "Ha Ha I'm not in the room!"

Then she left towards the living room. Although I don't approve of this behavior I still found it cute and funny. So I had to go tell her father. I got up, with Christopher in my arms, and headed to the living room. Evie knew she had been a bad girl and thought that I was after her so she took off running into the living room. Both daddy and I laughed at how much of a stinker our little princess is.

We have to laugh now, because later it won't be so funny. I don't want her to act like that, but I pick my battles and let the small stuff slide. If I didn't I'd go insane! Welcome to the terrible two's!