I have always wanted to be a mom. Every child changes what they want to be over time, and I was no exception. However, the one constant was that I always wanted to be a mom. I imagined a big house and huge yard with tons of kids. I never imagined my life turning out like this, but then I guess no one really ever does.
I have 4 amazing kids. I am not complaining about being their mom. This is literally the best job I could have ever asked for. However, somewhere along the way I lost what it means to be me. I don't know who or what I am any more. Amidst the many titles that a mom takes on I don't know the role that I play as a person anymore. It hit me like a train every time someone asked me, "What do you do in your spare time?" Well, I honestly didn't even know what spare time they were talking about either. But it clued me in that something was wrong.
Where had I gone wrong? I'm a great mother. I adore my kids. I was happy as a mother, but not complete. I was lost because I had no idea who I was as a person. Take away my kids and I had no identity. In fact, my kids had become my security blanket to my anxiety and my excuse to everything. If I wasn't sure about an event, then no problem my kids always provided an excuse to escape. If I felt uncomfortable at a social gathering my kids were the necessary, refuge I could hide behind.
So now I begin my search who am I? Not as a mother but as a person. What do I like to do in my spare time?
