I scared!

Last night my daughter fell asleep a little early (compared to other nights), but I wasn't tired so I was in the other room. Twice I heard her talking and I went in to the bedroom. She was sitting up and talking, but I couldn't understand what she was saying. I laid her back down and cuddled with her until she fell asleep. The next time I went in she told me, "I scared", and then asked "Where Santa?" She told me Santa was there, but now he wasn't. I couldn't understand all of what she way saying, and was trying to keep her quiet and asleep since her baby brother was also asleep.

It was to late she was awake. So we went in to the living room. She told everyone she was scared and again began talking about Santa. There is a blow up Santa on the porch so we asked her if she wanted to see it. Definitely not. She shook her head violently no. This was odd since she normally loved seeing Santa.

Later when I tried to get her to sleep she was afraid of the shadows on the wall. They are cast by the night light. She said that it was a "Ra". Which is the sound she makes for lions, skeletons, monsters, and anything that is scary. She has never really showed any fear of these things before. Daddy showed her it was not a "Ra" it was shadows, but I don't think she believed him. She pointed at the ceiling and opposite wall a few times and said something in audible (her binkie was in her mouth). She stared for a while as if she was watching something, and then finally she went to sleep.

Around 8 am she cried in her sleep and said, "Let go Daddy" repeatedly. I tried to hold her and comfort her it made her worse. So I laid down next to her and said, "Daddy let go! It's ok. Mommy is here!" After I said that a few times she was fine and back to sleep.

All this happened at NaNa and PaPa's house. We have had similar instances at our house, but she never seemed scared before. She points to area in our bedroom all the time and says there is a baby there. Sometimes she says the baby is crying sometimes she says she wants to play with it. Most times she only says baby and points. Another area on the ceiling she has said there is a "RA" and other things that I couldn't understand. Some nights she stares at this spot like she's looking at something. (It really freaks me out). Especially, since any time I ever sat with my back to this spot I always felt like someone was behind me. Creepy!

When she was a tiny baby she would always hold our hands over her forehead and eyes with her hands. She still does this at times today. When she is staring at the wall I cover her eyes with my hand and it usually works. Allowing her to fall asleep in a few minutes.

New Years Resolution?

I know it's almost here, and I have tons of things I need to change or could change. But I can't think of anything! I'm sure my husband could give me a list if I asked. No he wouldn't do that! He is very smart! Sometimes to smart!

I will try to do better and that is the best I can do. I'll try to be more patient and understanding.  

I want to take life slower.  I want to slow down and enjoy each day with my kids.  I know that each day is a blessing and I want to cherish every moment.  I know that soon (to soon) all this will be just a faded memory, and that is my worst nightmare.  Some day my son will no longer wrap his arms around my head and hug me so tight it almost hurts.  Some day my daughter won't yell "Ma, Ma" a million times a day.  

So my New Years Resolution is to slow down and cherish the small things.  To no longer say, "I can't wait... (for anything).  To love every moment spent with my kids!

French Fries Please MA MA!

Christmas Eve we drove past McDonald's, which we always do when we head out to my mom's house. Today though my daughter shouted, "French Fries Please, Ma Ma!" I told her no we were going to eat at grandma's house. Then I thought, "how cute she knows that McDonald's has French Fries." Then I thought "Oh, crap she knows McDonald's has French Fries!"

What a horrible mother I am raising kids on junk food. No offense to McDonald's you have greatly improved the healthiness of your food, but it still is not the high quality food I want my kids eating. However, I still feed it to them and probably will continue to do so. It's just so easy.

I have so much trouble most days just getting my daughter to eat, let alone eat healthy. I know it's my fault if she doesn't eat good. In a perfect world I'd make 3 healthy meals a day and we would all sit down together and eat. Then I'd vacuum wearing pearls and high heals, LOL! For now just do the best I can. Obviously, I should cut back on the McDonald's, but we don't have to get rid of it all together.

Definately not bed time!

My daughter just brought out a huge bag of mega blocks and dumped it on the floor. She is now sitting in the middle of the pile building guns and shooting me. No I do not encourage violence. She doesn't really know what she is doing. All she knows is that her favorite uncle Isaac (he's 7) builds something with the blocks and points it at people while making a swish and bang sort of noise. His rendition of a machine gun. So of coarse she copies. Either that or she is trying to kill me because sleep deprivation is taking to long! Just kidding.

I think it's time for bed...

I want to go to bed. It is almost 10pm and I know it is time for bed. However, my daughter (who unfortunately wears the pants) won't go to sleep. She keeps laughing and playing. So here I am on the Internet and she is playing next to me on her toy laptop. Everyone else is asleep and I wish I were to. We are supposed to get up early to go to Michigan. I don't know if that will happen. Mommy can't pack if she can't open her eyes. Why don't I pack tonight? Good question, I know my husband will wonder the same thing. I am to TIRED to pack.

I did discover what looks like a cool system to help me. It is the baby sleep coach system, and it sounds very interesting. I am tempted to buy it now, because it has a money back guarantee. It guarantees my kids will sleep! I can't even do that and I gave birth to them! I am just not sure if the program works with multiple kids. I emailed them and will post later regarding what they say. If it will I am gonna buy it. I need my kids to sleep, for mine and their sake.

The Vomit bug!

Saturday Evie attempting to take a nap when she threw up. She had complained earlier that her belly hurt and before she dosed off she told me her mouth hurt. After wards she was fine and basically her normal self. To be safe I didn't give her milk for 8 hours and slowly allowed her to have food. She was her normal self, so by dinner time I let her eat regular foods. Then later she said her belly hurt again, and then her mouth. Then the vomit hit. She threw up every where.

I had just run down to the laundry room. I forgot clothes in the dryer. I heard Evie coming down the hall. Then I heard a little cough and vomiting noises. I ran with my arms full of towels to the apartment and threw them all down on the couch. Then I went into the hallway to help her. By the time I got to her she had thrown up huge piles on each of our 3 neighbors doormats, and one large pile in the middle of the hall. She was walking towards me then back to the apartment when I passed by. I felt so bad. I didn't give her any milk until the next night. But she woke up the next day basically fine.

Christopher was the next to get the bug. The following night (Sunday night) it hit. He threw up four times in a little over an hour. He hasn't thrown up since this morning, but he now has diarrhea. My main concern is dehydration. He has had only 1 1/2 bottles today, and about 6 oz of pedialyte. Which is way less than what he usually has. He also has only been awake for around 5 hours today. When he is awake he is his normal playful self for a while, but gets tired faster than normal. He just doesn't have the energy.

I hope the bug passes as quickly as it hit. I can't stand seeing the kids suffer. Plus, I always get very scared when Christopher gets sick. After spending time in Pediatric ICU when he was 2 months old, I have become very paranoid and maybe a little over protective.

Christmas Aftermath!

Three days after Christmas and I still haven't fully recovered. The tree and all the decorations are already put away. I had to we needed the space for all the toys. This is no exaggeration our house could give toys "r" us a run for their money. We are swimming in toys. I need a new set of shelves to have a place to put all the toys. Santa visited our house and both grandparents house. Apparently nobody got the message that they didn't need toys, but really needed clothes. I guess next year we will give clothes and let everyone else buy the toys.

I have a ton of laundry to do. All most 2 weeks worth. We spent 5 days in Michigan at my in-laws, but due to the blizzard the pipes to their washer froze and we couldn't do laundry. Then we were to busy with Christmas so the pile keeps growing and growing. I don't want to even try to mess with it now it is so bad. It is going to take me forever to fold it all! What a Christmas present!

The worst part is the more I clean the more I have to clean because no one is watching the kids when mommy is busy cleaning. I don't know what daddy is doing so don't ask. I think football is on. Football is always on! So once I clean one thing I go back to clean up, pick up toys, toys, and more toys. You wouldn't even think they could play with so many toys, but some how they play with all of them in a very short period of time. Thank God everything is basically organized now! I still need a new shelving unit. I want something 3 feet high with 3 shelves and about 6 feet long. That way the toys can be within reach, but at the same time have a place where they belong! Wish me luck.

Not to move!

Despite the fact that I feel the move to a 3 bedroom apartment is necessary we have decided not to move. Mainly because the apartment is almost exactly the same as our current apartment, but costs $60 more. My husband says he is not going to pay more for the same size place. I understand especially the way the economy is today.

However, at the same time we really need 3 bedrooms. Christopher is a light sleeper, and moves around a lot. His own room would be quieter, and warmer than ours so he could sleep comfortable. If Evie had her own room we could work on getting her to sleep in her own bed. I know she will scream and fight it, and we can't even try it with Christopher in our room. He would never be able to sleep. Then I would have 2 cranky screaming babies!

Sick?

Of and on lately my daughter grabs herself when she pees and says "Ouch!" Sometimes she even cries, and sometimes no problems. I took her to the doctor a month ago and he said she looked irritated but he did not think she had an infection. He said to put hydrocortizone cream on her and no bubble baths.

The problem continues to come and go. I don't know why. He said in order to check for infection he catheterize her at his office to obtain a sample. I have had a catheter and they are very painful. I don't want to traumatize her if not necessary. She did pee in her potty chair the other day. I saved the urine and the next day took it to my doctor's office and they checked it. They said it was clean.

Today she has slept a lot, and is generally just not herself. She is very cranky and just not her happy normal self. I took her temp under her arm and it was 98. She told me a couple times her pee pee hurts. I don't know what to do. I don't know if she is sick or what.

She has a slight runny nose and a little cough occasionally. She did fall today and grabbed her hip a couple times after she fell. I just don't know what is wrong and she doesn't want to talk much she's just sleepy or crying. I don't want her to be sick for her second Christmas either. I still need to take her and her brother to see Santa!

To move or not to move?

We live in a two bedroom apartment, but it is the size of a 3 bedroom. Which means that our master bedroom is HUGE! I have a king bed, two end tables, twin bed, toddler bed, crib, dresser, computer desk, vanity, two bookcases, and a jewelry chest in our room, and we still have tons of floor space.

The problem is that both our kids sleep in our room. My son falls asleep in my bed or my arms, and then is placed in his crib. He wakes up at least twice a night. The worst night he was up 6 times. I think if he had his own room he might sleep through the night. I think that some of the times he just gets woken up by noises we make. Daddy snores, mommy coughing, and sister crying or laughing.

My daughter sleeps in our bed still. I can't try to get her to sleep in her own bed because if she screams and cries (which she will) she will wake up her brother. Then I will be dealing with two extremely unhappy children at one time. If you have more than one child then you feel my pain. One cries so the other can't sleep then they both start to cry followed by you crying as well (if you can't beat 'em, join 'em).

I think that if we had a 3 bedroom I might be able to get the kids to sleep in their own beds and sleep through the night. I am not sure if this plan would work, but it sure does sound good!

We looked at renting some houses, buying right now is not an option. To big, to small, to expensive is all we found so far. The problem is I love where we live. We park indoors so during inclement weather I don't have to take the kids out to go somewhere. I love our neighbors (on our floor). So I want to stay there, but I want 3 bedrooms.

A 3 bedroom opened up on our floor. Which I felt was a sign from God. My husband won't even look at it. It costs more, has less square footage, and has only 1 bathroom. We currently have 2. Another apartment opened up on the 2nd floor, and is exactly like ours. The only difference is that it has 3 bedrooms. Basically our big bedroom only with a wall in the middle.

We told our landlord that we would take it, but now my husband says "No". He says it is stupid to move into the exact same size apartment, but pay more money (70$ more)! I agree, but desperately want the 3rd bedroom! I understand his concerns about money especially with the economy the way it is. Plus, with me not working I feel that when it comes to money I don't have much of a say! We already turned off the cable to save money for a while. I know if I made a fuss he would move for me, but what if he is right and it's a bad decision.

I guess my biggest problem is that I don't know how to get my kids to sleep when I want them to sleep. I am trying for a bed time before 9pm, but most nights I am left at the mercy of my children and when they decide to fall asleep. I don't know what to do! I can't just throw them in bed and let them cry, and I won't

Cave in....

Last night my husband asked my daughter if she wanted a present. I couldn't believe it. He told me not to let them open anything, and here he was allowing her to open one. He said he just wanted to see if she knew what a present was. Well she did. She went to the tree and began to grab a present. I gave her one that I thought she would like to play with. We watched her open it. She knew exactly what to do. Plus, daddy helped. I think he was just as excited as she was.

However, we opened a can of worms here that we can't put the lid back on. All night and day since then she has been asking to open presents. We let her open one more, to help her brother open one of his. Thankfully tomorrow we are going to NaNa and PaPa's house until Christmas Eve.

Is it time yet?

For the first time in probably 10 years I can not wait for Christmas. My step mom sent presents the first of the month and they have been driving me nuts. Not for me, but for the kids. I can't wait to see them open them. Especially since Evie is older, and once she realizes what they are she will have so much fun. Christopher will copy her and it will be so cute. I am so excited. I can hardly wait! I've been counting down the days since the first.

The only bummer is that with all the expenses of two kids we don't have money to get the rest of the family gifts. We usually buy our parents, brothers, and sisters something. This will be the first year we aren't and it kind of sucks. We are chipping in $50 towards rock band 2 for my little brother and sisters. It is hard when they are so young ages 7, 9, and 11. You really want to get them something. Most of them believe in Santa so it's all the more fun. I would like to get our older brother and sisters something they need, but adults are more expensive.

The tree has been up since after Thanksgiving. The bottom half has slowly lost ornaments. They have been removed from small hands and placed higher up, out of reach. The fear of electric shocks forever haunt my thoughts, due to my son's constant attempts at eating the light bulbs.

We took my daughter to see Santa, at the Bass Pro Shop. She was excited until she sat on Santa's lap then the screams began. The picture was horrible, but I love it anyways. I want to take them both this weekend, and get a pic. I'm sure it will be a smiling Santa and two screaming kids, but if I don't at least get that I will be sad. Evie keeps asking to go see Santa, so maybe she won't cry this time. I'm not getting my hopes up.

All in all I know it will be a great Christmas. I just hope it gets here soon. I don't know how much longer I can keep from giving the kids their presents!

The fish!

My daughter is obsessed with fish. Every time we go to Walmart she wants to see the fish. Then asks "more fish, more fish". We tell her the fish have to go to sleep so we can walk away from the fish.

So when she got a present for Christmas from Grandma that she already had I decided to trade it in for fish. So with out completely thinking it through we bought her a small $10.00 fish tank and a Beta fish along with 2 other fish that looked like gold fish but were called something else. The 2 goldfish like fish have already died. I may have been over feeding them. And the tank was filthy. We have had it for two weeks, I think. So we bought two fish to aide in the cleaning of the tank.

All was well then hurricane Christopher hit. First of all the tank is in what I felt was the best spot in the house. We have an L shape bench for our dinning room table. In the corner is a small shelf. Where better to put a small tank? Christopher was on the bench with me, and noticed the tank. I thought "Oh how cute, he is looking at the fish!" I was right next to him and had no idea that what would happen next could even happen.

Some how he knocked the tank over. Water and fish went everywhere! I freaked. I grabbed him and put him in his crib. The only place that can contain him. He began screaming! Which woke up daddy who was sleeping for work. He didn't know what was going on, and he began screaming!

I was afraid to touch the fish! They are slimy! So I grabbed a Christmas card and scooped up the first one, the Beta. He was fine! The other a white fish that eats food and stuff off the bottom to help keep the tank clean was no where to be found. He ended up being under the light/lid. I thought he was dead. He flopped around a little, but when I put him into the tank he just laid on the bottom. (He is usually really active). The sucker fish didn't get tossed out, thankfully.

With everyone back in the tank I had to clean the mess up and add water. I was worried that if I just added tap water without treating it or letting it sit out they would die. Plus, what if it was to cold or hot. I tried for cool water close to room temperature. Then I let it sit out while I cleaned up. The tank had just enough water to keep the fish in water. I had to move the bench and dry up the water. Then I added the water. This was last night and so far they are all alive and doing fine.

For now at least they are all okay!

Thank you!

This is to all those people out there who take the time to offer their help for whatever reason.

Thank you, so much! You are in my heart and prayers always.

Thank you for grabbing the dropped shoe or binkie and chasing me down to return it.
Thank you for asking if I need help loading the car after grocery shopping with the kids, especially when it is snowing out!
Thank you for your kind words to the kids while they wait as quietly as they can in the check out isle.
Thank you for your patience, understanding, and compassion.

Thank you with my heart, all you kind strangers in the world, if only more people were like you!

UPS for holiday shipping needs, Ha, Ha, Ha!

I have received many packages over the past month from both UPS and the Post office. If you want your package to arrive safely use the Post Office. I have 3 horror stories from using UPS. I have enough daily frustrations taking care of the kids, house, and spouse I don't need to spend my day finding packages that were paid to be delivered to my apartment.

I received a laptop for Christmas from my husband. It wasn't delivered to our apartment it was delivered to the main office. That would have been fine, but the driver indicated the package was left with me, and it wasn't. I stayed home all day waiting for it. He didn't even attempt to deliver it to me. He had other packages for the office, so left them all there! How lazy!

The second package was from my step mother. I was sent to a total different apartment than mine. The woman on the first floor received other packages and mine to. She opened mine and unwrapped the gift that was for my kids. I found a note on my door. When I went to get the package from her I didn't get the packing slip that should have been in it, and all the packing foam was gone from the box. I assume her kids played with them. I didn't mind since they are a choking hazard, but she should have asked. Then her son asked for the box. I gave it to him, despite my frustration.

The third horror story all I have is a UPS notice and no package. UPS.com states that it was delivered, but I don't have it. The notice I received states that it wasn't left because a signature was required. If it was delivered who signed for it, and Where?

I cannot express in words how angry I am at UPS for their complete lack of customer service, and disregard for actually making a delivery. Which is what I thought they were in business to do! How can they still be in business employing such lazy drivers. I am sure not all are this way. Perhaps it is only one driver that I am lucky to get every time we expect a package! I just know that when given a choice I will use the post office instead.

Out with Grandma!

Yesterday afternoon my mom took my daughter for the afternoon. Supposed to be a couple of hours, but resulted in the entire afternoon. This wasn't the first time she went somewhere without me. She has been without me for small periods of time, no more than an hour. Except once when my In-Laws took her to lunch. I was taking a nap and didn't know what was going on until they were gone. Not that it wasn't ok, but I would have went with, if I had known. While they were gone I didn't know what to do with my self.

The same thing yesterday. You would have thought that I would love the peace and quiet, but I felt full of anxiety. I couldn't rest, but couldn't do anything either. I didn't know what to do. I had my son still, but things weren't the same. I couldn't stop myself from wondering what she was doing, thinking about, and saying!

It was horrible. I did wrap the Christmas presents! That was all I got done.

The baby book!

I feel so bad. Most of my daughter's baby book and journal is completely filled out. With unbelievable detail. Like the exact date she did things for the first time. My son's books not so detailed and not so filled out. I want to do it. And it drives me nuts that I haven't. I'm at the point now that I can't for the life of me think of what to put where though. What he did when is all a blurr! I feel horrible about it. And what's worse is I probably won't be able to figure it out.

Sleep please!

My son is up 4 or 5 times a night the past few weeks. I have no idea why. Previously, he was only up twice. I know that he is teething. He has 6 teeth now. The top four came in two at first, and before they finished coming in the other two started in.

The pediatrician says that he is in pain and that is why he can't sleep. Nothing I do seems to help. Tylenol, Motrin, teething drops, and tablets all help a little but he still wakes up crying and takes 10 to 30 minutes at least to get back to sleep. Half the time he will be asleep, but the minute I lay him down in his crib he starts crying and then sits up crying. I have to grab him because we all share a room, (My brilliant idea that has backfired) I have to get him out before he wakes up his sister. Unfortunately, for now we are stuck in a 2 bedroom apartment, and I refuse to change the toy room into a bedroom also. I like having a safe place that they can play. That way if I have to run to the bathroom I know they are ok. A bed in the mix just adds an unsafe toy for my monkeys to climb on.

So for now I am up every couple of hours all throughout the night. Complicated by nights when the kids take turns waking up. Those are the best! Add a sick mommy and you get a dangerous mix creating a sleep deprived, cranky, and judgement impaired whack-o. I can't wait for all this to pass! I don't want my kids to grow up fast I just want them to sleep all night, or most of it!