Cheer class

Earlier in the week I found out that cheer classes are being offered for 4 year olds at a local school. So I signed Evie up.  Registration was in the beginning of the month so she missed some classes.  That didn't seem to matter.  She did so well at her first class today.  She said, "I can't wait to be a real cheer leader!"  They actually compete in June.   It costs a lot.  Well considering that she is only 4 it is a lot.  We bought her pom poms today 16.00$.  I am going to wait and make sure she sticks with it before investing in the uniform.  I don't think that will be a problem, but I'd hate to be stuck with a hundred dollars worth of cheer clothes for nothing!  We got her new tennis shoes just for cheer (and dance)! 

Topher liked watching her.  So did daddy and I!  We are all as excited as she is.  It was so cute watching these lil kids do their cheer!  They practiced for 45 minutes, and had one water break during.  Before they were done they called the parents in to see what they had learned.  She did really good for it being her first practice!  We were almost late due to a trip to Wal-Mart, which usually does take longer than expected.  It is amazing how much time we spend in Wal-Mart!  Afterward practice we had dairy queen.  It was a fun and exhausting day! 

daily update

I have a headache.  I am tired and can't sleep.  I want a vacation with just my husband I miss him.  Yeah, he's here in bed next to me, but might as well be a million miles away.  Three kids do that to you! 

Ally is becoming a really good walker.  She falls a lot!  Then says "Uh Oh!"  So cute.  The other two either try to get her to walk to them or they accidentally knock her down.  Sometimes both. 

My horoscope the other day said to stop looking for happiness.  And if I would look at all I have I'd see I have so much to be happy about.  I know that is true, but right now for everything I have to be happy about my mind drops a negative.  I'm my own worst enemy.  Feels like I am driving myself insane. 

Topher is feeling better still coughing, but not near as bad.  Evie might start a cheer class tomorrow!  She is so excited. I hope it works out. 

Hubby got me a new 2011 impala.  I love it enough room for 3 car seats, and trunk space for the stroller an groceries to!  I already had to take it in for work!  We have had it 4 days and it needed wheel bearings and something with the emergency break.  It only has 6000 miles on it!  How can anything be wrong?  I hope this isn't a sign of things to come.

Getting outta bed update!

reason for getting outta bed number 7... I found this thing!  (a kids floss thing.  I have no idea the proper term for it, but she found one.  Where?  I don't know. I am guessing in her bed.)

Reason number 8.... I need one of those teeth thingys!  (a kid floss thing!)

Reason number 9... I have to go pee!  (of coarse you do)

so tired

OMG!  I am so tired.  These nebulizer treatments every 4 hours for Topher are killing me.  Plus, I wake up every time anyone coughs or sneezes.  Ally had to sleep the last two nights without her apnea monitor on her due to a horrific rash the leads gave her.  So naturally I was up every hour checking her to make sure she was still breathing.  Her pediatrician said he didn't think she needed it anymore, but the specialist has yet to take her off of it.  If I didn't use it and something happened I would never forgive myself.  The rash is gone so hopefully I will get more sleep tonight.  Topher will still be getting his breathing treatments thou!

Sick Topher

Poor Topher he always gets the worst of everything.  I don't know if it is from being hospitalized at 2 months from RSV, or the throat condition he was born with (Laryngomalacia), or maybe some other condition we don't know about yet.  The pediatrician does think he may have reactive airway disease or possible exercise induced asthma.  I hope not if he is anything like his father he will love being in sports and  I pray nothing takes that away from him. 

Anyways the other day I posted about his cough.  It was so bad last night I called the family doctor and said I was bringing him in what time would be ok!  I was not accepting anything less.  He has an upper respiratory infection and bronchitis.  Poor kid.  The others don't seem as bad so they weren't seen.  I am keeping an eye on them, and giving them allergy medicine.  They seem to be responding well to it. 

 Before bed Tophers nose was so full of stuff I had to suction it out.  He's 3 and cannot blow his nose yet.  I'm not sure if that's normal or not, but I am not worried.  Since he is 3 I had to sit on him to hold him down.  This was not pleasant.  I felt like a monster. 

I don't use a bulb syringe thing for suction.  I bought a battery operated one from Wal-Mart.  It is the best 20.00 investment I have made.  I will buy one for every mom I know who has a baby!  They are awesome, and work so fast.  I tried it on myself.  I was worried cause the kids scream so much.  It doesn't hurt but feels so weird when it pulls snot out of your nose!  Esp if it grabs a lot.  His nose filled half the suction cup.  It was nasty.

Afterwards he was so upset, and mad at me.  I have always encouraged the kids to apologize for hurting each other. Its my attempt to raise adults who take responsibility and are not to proud to say sorry when they have made mistakes.  Anyways after I finished Topher came to me crying and said, "Say you're sorry to me!"  I asked if I had hurt him and he said "yes".  I told him I was sorry for hurting him, but I had to get the buggers out or they would hurt him to.  He didn't buy it, but my apology was sufficient.  He then added amongst tears "I still love you mommy!"

This broke my heart.  I held him till he stopped crying and told him I loved him.  I imagine he told me he still loves me because when they are naughty I always try to make sure they know I love them no matter what. 

coughing

All three of the the kids have had a cough and runny nose for some time.  Ally had an ear infection and just finished her antibiotics.  Evie saw the doctor to.  He said their lungs were clear.  So it seemed to be allergies.  Topher didn't see the doctor and I think he needs to.  His cough seems to be getting way worse.  I tried giving him his breathing treatments, but they don't seem to help.  He doesn't seem to have a runny nose,  but it could be draining down the back of his throat.  Nobody has a fever.  It's just that when Topher gets a cough he usually coughs so much he vomits.  Evie and Ally's cough has both improved some, but not gone.  I hope they haven't gotten some other virus!

Ally

Alexandria is now a walker.  She's been cruising for some time, and two days ago she started to get more confident and take more steps on her own.  By on her own I mean without encouragement from mommy or daddy.  She has been walking between the two of us for a couple weeks now.  Now she takes off on her own.  Sometimes it's only a few steps others its more.  Each time she seems to add a step.  She has now walked across the living room without falling!  We are so proud!  Even Evie and Topher are cheering her on!  They make her fall a lot because they try to help her, but she doesn't seem to mind (most of the time). 

Topher, Sensory Integration Disorder, Update

Well I am so upset.  Topher aged out of first steps.  A government program where he was getting weekly Occupational therapy OT, Developmental therapy DT, speech therapy, and twice a month psych visits.  I wasn't worried at the time because I thought he would go to developmental preschool through the local school system.  Well they said he doesn't qualify "he's to smart!".  What the heck does being smart have to do with needing special help or not?  He still needs help.  I honestly think the teacher just didn't want to deal with him, but I can't prove it.  So the doctor wants him to get OT and DT privately.  He does need it, but it will cost me 40.00 a week plus gas.  I can't really afford that, but can we afford for him not to go? 

He's a very good kid, but different. It's often like he doesn't even hear you talk to him or can't process it.  Sometimes he is so wild and out of control, and other times he just wants to lay around and watch tv all day!  Sometimes he is loving and polite.  Other times he is demanding, rude, loud, obnoxious, and will cry if you touch him.  You never know what your gonna get.  He still has melt downs quite frequently, and often without any warning.  He has gotten better with his sisters.  He will slide on the floor into Ally (she's 9 months) knocking her over like a bowling pin.  He will hug her (squeezing quite hard) then twist and they both fall to the floor.  He squeezes her face (this usually doesn't hurt her but she doesn't like it either).  It's like he can't not touch her. 

It just seems to be always something. He is truly exhausting (on the bad days).  Other days he is the sweetest boy on the planet.  It is almost insane how fast his moods can change!  He is also extremely difficult to discipline, and I absolutely hate to spank him. When we had kids we decided we didn't want to spank our kids, and I feel like a failure for having done so at times.  A couple times it was a reaction. 

He has kicked me in the face so hard during diaper changes that he has given me migraines, these were on accident he is extremely sensitive genitalia.  He often can't stand to be even touched with a wet wipe for cleaning or even putting ointment on.  But He doesn't seem to get the message if he has to pee until afterwards so potty training has been a bust.  He will also sit in a wet diaper until it leaks.  I have to check him frequently and even when he's wet he will deny it! 

Once he was extremely hyper for whatever reason and accidentally knocked me out.  I was sitting on the couch.  He had both hands on the couch and was jumping up and down.  I was talking to him, but he didn't seem to notice.  Usually, when he does this I grab his shoulders and make eye contact.  I tried he jumped and hit me in my temple.  Everything went dark and I crumbled to the ground.  I opened my eyes, and I was crying with a horrific headache.  It took a minute to realize what happened.  Evie was standing over me very upset and worried about me.  Topher was laughing.  I yelled so bad it scared him "Go to your room!"  He ran to his room.  Thank God, because I have never hurt my kids, but I knew if I spanked him at that moment we would all have been in trouble.  I needed a few moments alone. 

He is very smart and at 3 tested for speech at a 5year old level. He has very advanced pretend play.  He can't grasp emotions of others.  He doesn't get consequences for things.  He does what he wants or needs to in that moment with no thought for the future.  He lines his cars up all through my house, and does other bizarre things when he plays.  He doesn't usually get mad if I move the cars.  It depends on why I moved them and if he agrees with my reasons for moving them.  If he thinks he needs to do something you have to let him do it even if he can't.  For example if he wants to open the door, you have to let him try, and wait for him to ask for help.  Otherwise he will have a full tantrum, and its not worth it!

Life with my son is hard to explain because he is a very good kid.  He just doesn't get it.  He just can't control himself.  He is just Topher. 

Best friends

One thing I love about having kids so close in age that they are the best of friends, often enemies too, but were focusing on friendship here!  This is a friendship that will last their entire lifetime, one like no other, and it truly is amazing to watch.  They fight and say I'm sorry often without being told.  They help each other without being asked, and are very supportive of each other.  It is amazing.  I can't stand the fighting at times, and I am learning to take myself out of it.  I try to let them handle things as much as they can and only get involved when asked or someone is in danger of physical harm (both situations occur quite frequently)! 

It's funny at times I will hear them say "I'm mad at you" or "I'm not your friend anymore", and often they can't even tell me why.  However, it is always short lived and they are playing together again.  They make a great team, trust me I get stuck cleaning up the messes!  They switch off roles of follower and leader.  They are extremely bossy, and tattle on each other a lot.   I can't stand the name calling.  Evie hates to be called names and Topher plays on this constantly.  Then every once in a while he gets upset when she calls him a name.  It never ends, but they don't seem to mind.  Once Evie asked if she could marry Topher.  After I had told her she'd grow up and marry a man she loves.  Because she said she loves him so why couldn't they get married.  I told her it will be a different love. 

The other day Evie ran out of her room and yelled "Mom I have a real emergency!"  At first I was scared then she said "My Rapunzel is missing!"  I said "NO shes not she's lost in your messy room, go find her!"  Topher dropped what he was doing came out of the toy room and said, "What, your Rapunzel is missing?" Without another word he went with her into her room and helped her find that doll!  I was so proud of him, both of them.  I constantly tell them good teamwork.  To the point that they will point out their "Good Teamwork" before I even notice!

They get along well with their sister too, but she's a lil to young still.  She adores them and watches everything they do.  She follows them, and tries to play with them or just with their stuff.  She loves to play in Evie's room.  The kids are good with her, but Topher is always way too rough (he's just to much).  She's learning to walk and will walk to Evie before anyone else!  They are three peas in a pod and I am one lucky mother!

Getting outta bed update!

Today she only got out of bed once to tell me the movie was over and ask for another one.  However, bedtime was unfortunately pushed back a couple hours so by the time she went to bed she was really tired.  I had to run some errands in town and of coarse they took longer than I had planned.  Then make dinner and feed everyone. 

Lately just getting the kids to eat is a production.  They get up and play then say I'm not done I'm still eating!  This goes on and on. Maybe part of this problem is that we rarely sit down as a family at the table and eat!  I always worry about them eating enough so I fall for this and dinner time drags on and on. 

Plus, tonight my husband was watching a movie that looked interesting.  I wanted to watch it, but I had to take care of the kids.  However, at one point I got sucked into it, and the kids got to stay up late!  The morning ought to be interesting! 

Getting outta bed!!

My daughter is the master of getting outta bed.  She gets up so many times it drives me insane.  Topher used to do it, but most days he's out since I lowered the bed time to 7.  Evie has always been my night owl and usually doesn't fall asleep till 9.  That is fine with me, as long as she stays in bed.  She is allowed to watch one movie. Then it is lights out. 

She is so good at it she has become a master of excuses so I've decided to start posting them some are very silly others very cleaver!  I will probably tweet most of them, but tonight's will be posted and the count begins.

Reason number one, my movie is over!  She insisted I turn off the tv and place the DVD back into its case!  Ok fine back to bed.

Reason number two, you didn't sing me a song!  OK 1 song! back to bed.

Reason number three, I wanted to give you a hug and a kiss cause I love you!  Ok I love you to! Hugs and Kisses NOW BACK TO BED! if you get up again I will spank you!
Reason number four, I have an owey and need a band aide! OK here's your band aide turn around for your spanking! Which she did! I lightly tapped her but feeling bad for spanking for getting outta bed, but realizing she'd called my bluff! Couldn't back out now!
Reason number five, my Ariel doll is missing (The one I asked you where it was before bed cause I knew you would want it?) Here she is not get to bed, I can't she needs her pajamas. OK but turn around for your spanking you know your not supposed to be outta bed!  She turned around!  I almost laughed!  Biting my tongue I swatted her butt a lil harder than before, but not really!  Plus she is wearing a pull up!
 
Reason number six,  I am to scared up there.  You are not scared Evie you sleep there every night, and there is nothing to be scared of.  Go to bed!  We all sleep in one room.  So I know there is nothing to be scared of.  You need to go to bed you have school tomorrow.  Ok but you go to bed too so you won't be cranky!  I almost died!  I thought it was funny and sad!  I must be really cranky some times.  I told her she needed to go to bed so I could take my bath to relax so I could go to bed and not be cranky.  She asked why do you need a bath to relax.  Realizing I had been sucked in to a get outta bed conversation I quickly  changed the subject;  Go to Bed Now Before I spank your butt!  This worked she went to bed and fell asleep! 
 
This is quickly becoming night time routine for us, and it is driving me crazy.  I hate to spank my kids, but I don't know what else to do!

job opportunity

I just saw a job opportunity posted at my daughters school either as an assistant in her class or the other pre-k class. The problem is if they hired me who would watch my other two. Christopher is high maintenance, and Ally is to young to tell me if something isn't right.  It would only be 3days one week and 2 days the next week for the rest of the school year.  Daddy would have the other days!  It is only open for 3 more days so if I am interested I've gotta act now.  I don't know what to do.  The pay would be good, but not good enough to pay for great daycare! I'm pretty sure as far as day care goes you kinda get what you pay for.  One place sounds amazing but is super expensive.  I'd really like someone to watch them here! I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too!

Spring time disturbing nap time!

I love spring time, until the thunderstorms start up!  I used to like them, but the kids get so freaked out!  I spend forever telling them its ok and trying to explain!!! They are laying on the couch for quiet time watching Tinkerbell and the lost treasure!  But every time the thunderclaps they are up trying to see the thunder!  So much for quiet time.  I miss the days when they napped!  But now if they do fall asleep they are up all night!

  I changed they're bed time to 7pm which works out so much better than before, because no matter how late they are up they wake up at the same time!  Which is killer for me!  So I try very hard to have them getting ready for bed at 6:30 and in bed no later than 7.  It is amazing how much better it works out.  They're old bed time was 8!  I would fight with them all night and they'd pass out around 10!  Turns out they were just so over tired they couldn't sleep!

Now we eat dinner between 5 and 5:30 then they play quietly (if I have my way) until 6 or 6:30.  The time we start getting ready for bed depends on if they need a bath or not!  Then its pajamas, brush teeth, wash faces, brush hair, pick a book, and then head to bed.  Where I read them a book, and then turn on a movie.  They alternate picking a movie.  Usually Topher is asleep within a few minutes.  Evie watches the movie most nights then its lights out! 

To help them follow the bedtime routine I made cards with pics on it showing each step and put them on a key ring.  It helped them follow the routine until they learned it! Now we all have our bedtime routines down pat!

Christopher's meltdowns have tamed some since we instituted an earlier bedtime.  The best part is the bedtime battles are far less.  He still has many sensory issues we are working on, and the doctor thinks there is something more (psychological) but getting a diagnosis is impossible.  They sent us to Chicago Children's hospital psych department, and that was a joke.  I sat in a tiny sardine can room and talked to a psychologist and she watched him play in the little room.  How on earth she was supposed to understand him under those circumstances is beyond me!  I cant afford to drive to Chicago once a week!  Plus, he needs to have Occupational therapy and Behavioral therapy but that's 40$ a week plus gas!  We can't afford that!  I don't know what to do!  So I'm stressed and stuck!

starting up again

This post went to such a dark place I wanted to come back and start with a positive note!  My kids are doing great.  Growing fast and keeping me busy.  Pushing my buttons and testing my patience!  And yes most days with the hubby things are amazing. As long as I don't have a blue (depressed possible delusional) day!

Oh, where to begin?  I haven't posted in so long.  I've wanted to, but there is never enough time in the day.  I've realized i need to start making time for things I want to do, cause I'm slowly going insane. Don't tell my husband I'll deny it! Just kidding.  Ive had some rough patches lately, and been really down on myself.  I think the biggest issue is that being a stay at home mom my entire life is the kids, house, and hubby but no me!  I've been to hard on myself but its hard not to when I feel like this is my job and I have to do my part because hubby works hard at his part!  But I am seriously slowly driving myself insane. 

I've pushed my husband away (he sought out the comfort from a stranger on facebook).  That's over and were working our issues, but the damages been done.  No physical contact was made but i told him the emotional connection is just as bad! I blame him and don't blame him.  I didn't or wouldn't talk to him cause i didn't want to bother him.  He has no idea how much I appreciate that he goes to work no matter what so I can stay at home with our children. The big problem is trust I am constantly wondering who hes talking to txting, email, facebook, and whatever else.  Maybe I am a bit paranoid.  I don't know.  It comes and goes and I drive myself so nuts I get chest pain!

Plus I am just not happy with myself physically and mentally.  I have very few friends.  You could count them on one hand and have fingers left over. Some of them are relatives too!  Doesn't help that I'm not getting younger, and my body has had 3 C-sections in the past 3 1/2 years!  It might be a lil postpartum, I am not sure. 

I have trouble remembering things.  Even moments after they have happened.  I feel like I'm here at times but not here!  I don't know how to just be in this moment!  I want to so bad.  I want to enjoy this time with my kids and be able to remember it.  I think it might be because so many things are always going on and or need to be done.  I'm always thinking about something or lots of somethings! 

FYI I feel a lot better after posting this!  Thanks for listening! 
Oh and blogger needs an auto correct for spelling took me forever to correct my spelling errors!