Lazy mom

Some days nothing gets done.  At the end of the day I sit and think, trying to figure out where the day went.  I usually have no idea.  It has ended, and nothing was accomplished.   I am greatful we are all alive and well, but I cant help feeling lazy.  When I tell my friends they always blame it on the kids.  I have my kids every day. They're  mine! So why are some days non productive and others not....I must be lazy, sometimes.  Or at least it feels that way to me.  Granted chasing a 6,5,3, and 1 year old around can be exhausting and frustrating.   However, I'm not buying into that as an excuse.  I do realize that getting things done is not as important as stopping to be silly and having fun with my monsters every now and then.  Hopefully, more often than then! So for now  Lord, give me the wisdom to know when to play, the courage to not stress out, and the strength to just let go!  Amen.

Hello world

Taking a little time out of the insanity to say hello.  I have been so busy this year.  You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I will.  I spent over half the year going to my mom's everyday.  Taking all 4 of my kids there all day everyday.   So I was taking care of them, and my mom who has lou gehrigs disease, and my brothers and sisters.  I've been homeschooling my 16 yr old sister, poorly but she's a demon.   No seriously she is.  I was doing better.  However after 2 weeks of excruciating migraines and a possible miscarriage I had to cut back.  That's why she is poorly homeschooled.  I can't do the work for her, and I've got no power over her to make her.  So I advise and that's it.  She's not doing well but I did my best.  I still help take care of my mom.  I also took over her job in the family business.  So now I am office manager for my dad's office.   I work anywhere from 20 to 40 hours a week.  And still do every thing else.  The only difference is now I have a Lil money so ever so often I pay someone to help clean.   Some days for no reason at all I feel so exhausted.   Unfortunately for now that's my life. It could be worse could be better.  I am trying my hardest not to take my children and hubby for granted. I'm trying not to miss any of the little things. I'm trying to hold it together.  Trying to be a good mom and role model.  Some days i do better than others.   Often the stress makes me yell. I don't wanna yell. Trying to get to a place where i can be proud of myself i stead of feeling like a failure.  Which I s hard to do when you set impossible goals.

Fruit for lunch

Everyday last week I sent a cutie (small orange fruit) with Evie in her lunch box.  Everyday the lunch box came home with only the peels. So today I bought more and told her I got more cuties for your lunch. She said "mom I have to tell you the truth. I don't like cuties." I reply, "but you ate one everyday!?" She said, "No, someone else did....I gave them to one of my friends!" I busted up laughing. She then added "if you want me to eat fruit you should send apples and peanut butter!" I just kept laughing!

Broke tooth!

Sunday Evie was playing on a ride on toy when she crashed into something and broke a tooth! She said it was wiggly, but when she wiggled it just broke. She didn't cry and says it doesn't hurt. Lucky it's a baby tooth and would come out soon anyways. However it broke completely in half across the gum line. A tiny bit is hanging down but not enough to grab an try to wiggle or pull the rest out. We are finally going to the dentist today, Wednesday. Hopefully, we will get some good news. I'm hopeing he can get the rest out quickly and painlessly! Ha, like anything ever works out like that in life. Wish her luck and say a prayer....we shall see! The worst part is this tooth is one of three that have cost me over 3,000 dollar in the last 6yrs. She had what they call "bottle rot" and has had them fixed 3 times, by 3 different dentists. Each time they didn't get all the decay out so after time it spread. The last time she had it done in a hospital. They had so little tooth left she had basically fake teeth attached. (I don't know the correct terminology an am to tired to look it up!) The second dentist treated her like you would an adult so she's terrified of dentists!

Sick Kids!

Evie was sick last week. She was vomiting for three days.  Then Friday Thaddeus vomited and started having diarrhea.  He has had the diarrhea since then.  Early Saturday morning Ally started vomiting.  I thought she was better because Sunday she didn't vomit all day until the second half of the Super Bowl (maybe she didn't like how the game was going).  She also started having diarrhea today as well.  The poor girl.  She wanted some milk today.  I told her no cause she would vomit if she drank milk.  She cried and said she wanted milk.  She then told me it was OK cause if she vomited she would vomit in her vomit bucket (a cleaned out butter tub)!  I caved and gave her the milk.  Christopher also started vomiting and diarrhea this am.  He's the only one who doesn't have yellow diarrhea.  He threw up all over his bed.  It was horrible I have no idea how he managed to get vomit everywhere.  After he had diarrhea he said that his butt vomited! I swear the only thing my kids share are their germs!  I was looking online and I think they may have the rotavirus.  I did take Evie to the doctor and he said she had Gastroenteritis.  Which apparently can be caused by the rota virus.  I'm not going to take them to get checked because they're not that sick to see the doctor and the treatment for rotavirus is the same for any virus.  I did get more hand sanitizer and disinfecting wipes, because it is very contagious.

Bummer!

Well, the niners didn't win the Super Bowl!  We are bummed.  Probably my husband more than anyone, but it was a fun game to watch.  Better luck next year I guess!

5 year check up

Christopher had his 5year check up yesterday.  Thankfully he didn't need any shots! The main concern of coarse was his behavior.  He is still very defiant and argumentative.  He can be very aggressive and violent.  He has food issues that have gotten worse over the past month.  He is still having trouble sleeping, but now worse than ever.  He asks every night when its going to be morning, and complains that he forgot how to fall asleep!  It takes him 2 to 4 hours to fall asleep.  We are considering medication, but first we are going to try some vitamins for a month and see what happens.  I am supposed to get the following: focus factor, Behavior balance DMG, and Bioglan kids smart.  I am thinking about also getting melatonin to help him sleep.  I have always wondered if he slept through the night would his behavior be better?  My guess is yes. If I don't get enough sleep I can behave like a monster to.  The doctor says that many of the problems we describe are sensory and wants him to go back to Occupational Therapy (OT).  We did this before with little noticeable improvement, but that was almost 2 years ago (I think)!   We are also going to go to a psychologist.  The hardest part is how are we supposed to respond to him.  We don't want to do harm (physically or mentally).  However, if we don't do something soon eventually he will be to big and we won't be able to control him.  Now I often have to pick him up and carry him to his room.  I have had to use all my strength before to keep him from attacking his sister! 

Now it sounds like he is a horrible kid.  He is not! He is a very smart and loving person.  He just cannot help it.  He gets upset, frustrated, or angry and cannot control how he acts.  He loves to help and can be very loving.  He usually isn't gentle but that isn't on purpose either.  I always say he is basically 2 kids!  My angel and my demon all in one, but you never know what your gonna get!  And they can switch on you in an instant. 
P.S.  If any one has any experience with these medications or any advice please don't hesitate to leave me a comment!  At age 5 we really don't want to start medication.  I don't think the vitamins could do any harm, but I guess you never know.  I'm not sure if any long term research has been done on them.  I am just gonna trust my doctor, because I do trust him, and I am in way over my head! 

Go 49ers!

I am so glad the niners made it to the Super Bowl this year!  Jim Harbaugh has done amazing things with this talented team.  Can't wait to watch them win tomorrow.  Well at least I hope they do!  Either way, it will still be a great game! 

Go 49ers!

Sick Kids!

Today has been the longest day ever.  I have been up since 3:30 this morning.  Ally woke me up when she vomited.  She has been throwing up all day.  The worst part was when I thought she was alright and left the house.  I needed to stop at the post office and Wal-Mart.  That was a bad idea.  She started crying at the post office that she was hurting.  Then she threw up a massive amount!  It was awful.  I didn't bring the diaper bag in, so I had nothing with me.  We were probably the 10th people in line.  Everyone was nice.  We left.  One man did offer to mail my letter for me, but I declined since I hadn't paid for it yet. One man gave me a couple napkins so I could wipe her face off.  She feels fine, but everything she eats comes right back out!
Thaddeus is sick to but he has diarrhea.  He is so cranky and miserable.  He has hardly slept at all today.  He will be seven months tomorrow.  The worst part is every time he goes it is so watery it seeps out everywhere, and I have to change him. 
I hope they feel better tomorrow we are supposed to go to my moms and watch the Super Bowl.  The older kids aren't sick, and I know my mom is looking foreword to it.  She has ALS and doesn't get to leave much or have many visitors other than me and my sisters.  I hate it because many of my moms friends ask me on facebook how she is and if there is anything they can do.  If your really a friend don't talk to me go visit her!  That's my rant for the day!
Well wish me luck! Hopefully we all get some sleep tonight and get to watch the niners win it tomorrow with all the family!

You Look Like Your Gonna Have Another Baby!

I'm sitting on the couch with my 5year old daughter.  She has been sick and wants to cuddle. As we are sitting there watching television she begins to pat my belly.  She then looks up at me and says, "Mommy you look like your gonna have another baby!"  I look down and am shocked then say, "Your right!"  I hadn't noticed or was in denial but all the fat I lost from breast feeding was back and then some.  I did have a rounded belly just like during my pregnancies.  Thankfully not a full term belly!  Since then I have decided to exercise and eat better.  I won't say diet because I just can't diet.  I will try to make better choices, but mostly I am going to exercise.  I didn't want to start off with too much so since then I have done 50 crunches a day.  The day she brought me back to reality I did 100!  I know it isn't much, but there's a baby in my belly. HA!  Its a small start cause I know me if I over do it, I'm done doing it!  My parents have an elliptical I thought 20 minutes a day on that should be good.  HA HA HA HA.... I had no idea how hard of a work out using an elliptical was!  My butt was kicked after 5minutes.  My legs turned to jelly!  So for now 5minutes everyday we go to moms house, which is almost daily!  Wish me luck everyone and keep your fingers crossed.  I'd love to lose 30lbs!  I'd settle with being able to fit in my jeans again! 

Poor Evie!

Poor Evie has been sick with a tummy bug since Sunday.  Today she is just sick of being sick! Her fever is gone but her stomach still hurts.  She hasn't vomited since early afternoon so hopefully she's on the mend.  She got her appetite back this evening, but I didn't want her to eat to much to fast.  She wanted chicken nuggets so bad.  I caved and let her have some.  She ate the first one fine but gagged on the second.  Then her tummy ached a little so I said no more.  She was bummed, but I think she was afraid she would vomit again to.  The doctor said its Gastroenteritis.  Apparently that is going around.  I'm just praying it doesn't go around my house!  One thing kids seem to be really good at sharing is their germs! 

allergies or something else

I posted last year about the horrible itching on my palms and soles of my feet.  No I haven't had time to get it checked out.  I need to go in for fasting blood work.  I have a slightly elevated liver enzyme, but my doctor assures me that if it were my liver these incidents would happen more often.  The last one woke me up from sleep at midnight.  I thought maybe it was stress so I took one of my husbands muscle relaxers and keep my mind busy till I fell asleep.  Anytime I start to feel tingly in my palms I try to relax and practice some deep breathing.  I'm not sure if it helps or not.  I think it does.  So that's where I am at with that.  I feel so guilty taking time for my self to do anything even doctor appointments that I often put them off.  I know I shouldn't and this is important to have checked out, but so is everything else.  I learned the hard way not to put the dentist off. LOL

Funny things my 2 year old says!

My two year old is the best!  She says the greatest things, no joke...

I am driving home after taking my oldest, Evie, to the doctor.  Ally (the 2year old) and Thaddeus the baby are in the car as well.

Ally says "Mom, Evie called me a name!"

"Oh, what did she call you?"  I ask.

"She called me 'ALLY'," she responds.

I smile.  "That's because that is your name!" I say trying not to laugh.

"Oh, you call me that all the time...(giggles)...I'm so silly!" she laughs!

Then she makes monkey noises for a while to show me how silly she is!

I say, "Yes, you are silly!"

She adds, "you are too, mommy!"

My children never cease to amaze me!

Hello World!

I haven't posted in almost a year!  I don't know why.  It's hard to find time for myself.  Also when things are rough sometimes it is difficult to put them into words.  When you write down your feelings they become real and you can no longer escape them or deny them.  The reality is that the past year has been a roller coaster.  So many ups and downs I have no idea where to start.
       First, I will start with the positive.  The best thing that happened in 2012 was the birth of my second son, my fourth and most likely final child, Thaddeus Samuel Menear.  I didn't post during my pregnancy because it was rough.  I had gestational diabetes again and I was just miserable.  Plus, the thought of another C-section was really dragging me down.  In fact during my C-section I said "I'm never doing this again!" Having a C-section is nothing like they show on TV! It is horrible.  I freak out every time and have a massive anxiety attack.  I was also nervous about having another baby because of our life in general.  I was finally at a point where I could go back to work.  Lord, knows these days most families need or can use a second income.  In fact I was working up till the day before the baby was born.  I just can't bring myself to put him in daycare.  (I may be slightly neurotic but I can't trust strangers with my kids till they are old enough to talk to me about problems!)  I can admit now I had doubts about whether having another child was the smart decision, but God knows best!  I am Thankful for that.  I couldn't imagine life without any of my children.  Thaddeus is a gift from above and his smile, hugs, and kisses remind me every day how precious life is.  (Not that my other children don't as well, but with Thaddeus it is a little different.)
    That brings me to the negative of 2012.  The rock bottom of my roller coaster ride.  A couple weeks before the birth of Thaddeus my mom was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease, and given three to five years to live.   My mom went from being a hard working, outgoing, and completely self sufficient person in the beginning on 2012 to hardly being able to walk, lost the use of her arms, can no longer drive or do any self care without assistance.  She spent the week before Christmas in ICU at Northwestern in Chicago.  She now has a feeding tube.  She can still eat foods, but not enough to maintain.  This has been devastating to our family.  My 15 year old sister is now home schooled to help mom during the day.  My mom was her mentor but as of November mom could no longer use the computer.  I took over and am now homeschooling my sister.  I am also doing all my moms work at the family business.  I don't really get paid for any of this.  I'm not complaining about that I just wanted to mention it since I had talked about money above.  Life right now is just bearable.  I'm grateful my mom is still with us, but can't bear to see her suffering.   So when things get completely unbearable Thaddeus give me a big kiss and reminds me that life goes on.  He is my sunshine through the darkness.  A gift of life from God sent at just the right time to remind me that everything happens for a reason.