Seriously insane

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein

The way I am raising my son is seriously insane, according to Albert Einstein.  I am just at the end of my rope.  Everything that I am doing isn't working.  So I finally broke down and set up his occupational therapy and behavioral therapy.  We start next week.  Hopefully, they can use their expertise and help me handle his behavior.

I am tired of dealing with his outbursts after they happen.  I want to know why these things happen and how to prevent them.  Nothing we have done so far has helped.  We haven't even been given a concrete diagnosis. 

He is so defiant.  He is so rough.  He is so wild.  Then other times he is so quiet, easy going, and loving.  You seriously never know what you're gonna get.  I got twins in one kid!  It's driving me crazy.  But reality hit hard when I realized I shouldn't have to tell Evie to avoid her brother (at any time) because of the mood he is in he might hurt her.  That is crazy.

going crazy

Snow snow and more snow!  We've been stuck at home for a few days and it shows.  Christopher is going bananas here.  He's off the charts wild.  Hitting and poking everyone just for a rise.  He spent so much time in time out today!
 An example:  I got the candy jar down told the kids to pick something.  Then I went to get Ally from her crib.  Topher came running by with Evie screaming behind him.  He took her sucker and all the other ones! Ran and hid under my bed!  So I got him out and took all the suckers.  Then I told him to go to his room.  He said, "NO. I'll kill you.  Fucker!"  Excuse my language but it is a direct quote!  I almost died! 

He has been saying that word for some time but never like that.  At first we tried the ignore it tactic.  Then we explained its not a good word.  Now he's just in trouble whenever he uses it.  But this was to much.  I picked him up and carried him to his room and made it clear that under no circumstances is it ok to talk to me like that!  I wanted to put soap in his mouth or spank him I was so mad.  But I figured I needed a time out to so I didn't.  I feel like a failure every time I actually spank him.  He just pushes me till I break.  (note: He does not get spanked very often) 

But still here we are stuck in the snow! Slowly going insane!  I do like being home my house is so much cleaner than normal! 

Christopher has been tested by a few doctors and he's been diagnosed with sensory integration disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, and middle child syndrome.  None of which I feel explain his behavior problems.  But that's another long story for another day!

Topher, Sensory Integration Disorder, Update

As you may know that my son Christopher was diagnosed with sensory integration disorder earlier this year. He has occupational therapy, developmental therapy, and behavior therapy once a week for an hour each. However, he doesn't seem to be improving. He's getting more aggressive as he gets older. He doesn't seem to mean to hurt people, and doesn't understand when he does.

He has hurt his sister Evangeline on multiple occasions. One particularly bad incident he bit her back so bad she was bruised from the middle of her back to her arm and on her arm as well. This was so disturbing I took her to the doctor to show him and discuss Topher with him. He wants to have Topher evaluated by a psychologist to determine if he has a type of autism. The doctor's take on it was that since the diagnosis and medications are all so serious he would not make the call without a second doctor agreeing with it.

A week later he hit her in the face so hard that he separated the tissue that holds your upper lip to the gums in your mouth. I felt so bad. It all happened so fast. I called the doctor and informed him. He wants to put Topher on medication. If he hurts Evie once more then he will put him on the meds. Topher has bit her twice since then, but I really want to wait and have the psychologist evaluate him. Plus, when the doctor does come and evaluate him I don't want his behavior to be altered from meds. I want her to be able to see how he truly is.

For now Topher and Evie are not to be alone for more than a few seconds. I try to have one or both even come with me to the bathroom! It is exhausting! Also the aftermath of all this is that Evie is often afraid of her brother. So he may just be near her doing nothing, but she will cry and scream that he is after her. That is the worst part. I never know when something is really wrong or she is just anticipating something happening. I don't blame her, but I am so wore out. I feel horrible about it too, but I am sick of hearing her whine. Which really breaks my heart! I feel like an awful mom, but it happens off and on all day long every day! I am at the end of my rope. The psychologist doesn't come until the 21st of this month. Trust me that day could not come any sooner.