Many people suffer from depression. I think my depression has gotten harder for me as a mom. My anxiety is worse, after all pieces of my heart are out walking around and I cannot protect them from everything. Mom guilt is so real and overwhelming at times. For me my depression is like this: when things are fine I will describe it as walking down a sunny path. It is warm, comfortable, and welcoming.
Then why would I want to leave this path? Good question! I don't want to, but I can't help it. You must understand it is never intentional. It starts small with a negative thought. Just one thought maybe I didn't do something that I feel I should have. This is a big one for me. This one negative thought is a step off the path. But the reality is negative thoughts always come in pairs.
Each negative thought leads to another. I call this falling down the rabbit hole. You feel it, but you are powerless to stop it. The voices in your head call on all your deepest fears and push you further into darkness. You've now fallen so far you can no longer see the warm path you started on.
Life gets really tough at this point. It is hard to function in darkness. Here life becomes a double edged sword. You try to balance it. Depression is a relentless demon thou. The negative thoughts weigh you down. You become tired. Each day is harder and harder to complete the simplest of tasks. So things get forgotten or put on hold. Then the guilt kicks in for forgetting and procrastinating.
"You forgot your son's glasses this morning." "You forgot your child's medication." "You must be the worst mother in the world!" The hits just keep coming. Each another step into darkness and despair.
Eventually you find yourself on the edge of a cliff. The darkness, despair, loneliness, and pain of depression call for you to do the unthinkable. Your frozen here. You don't want the pain anymore. You don't want to suffer and you can't see your way back to the light.
The demons inside have lead you to a place that no one should go. Those who have not been there do not understand. They can not.
The bright side is you don't have to stay there. I don't know why we (moms) are always so hard on ourselves. I often find myself telling people "oh I'm just a mom!" That right there is part of the problem. There is no "just a mom"! We don't give ourselves credit where it is due! But we sure beat ourselves up when things don't go right!
While I don't have all the answers and I know I will never stop setting unrealistic expectations for myself I do have a little advice. We all know we need time for ourselves. We know that self-care is important. But when your in a dark place even basic tasks are hard. You muster enough of yourself to take care of your children and there isn't anything left for you. It is hard I know and your not alone.
My advice is do one thing! Just one thing. No matter what it is. Take a shower. Go for a walk. Clean your room. Just one thing. Do that thing and feel good about it. Allow yourself that.
If things get to bad then seek help. There is nothing wrong with getting help. Depression and anxiety are real and nothing to be ashamed of.
Remember tomorrow is a new day!
Then why would I want to leave this path? Good question! I don't want to, but I can't help it. You must understand it is never intentional. It starts small with a negative thought. Just one thought maybe I didn't do something that I feel I should have. This is a big one for me. This one negative thought is a step off the path. But the reality is negative thoughts always come in pairs.
Each negative thought leads to another. I call this falling down the rabbit hole. You feel it, but you are powerless to stop it. The voices in your head call on all your deepest fears and push you further into darkness. You've now fallen so far you can no longer see the warm path you started on.
Life gets really tough at this point. It is hard to function in darkness. Here life becomes a double edged sword. You try to balance it. Depression is a relentless demon thou. The negative thoughts weigh you down. You become tired. Each day is harder and harder to complete the simplest of tasks. So things get forgotten or put on hold. Then the guilt kicks in for forgetting and procrastinating.
"You forgot your son's glasses this morning." "You forgot your child's medication." "You must be the worst mother in the world!" The hits just keep coming. Each another step into darkness and despair.
Eventually you find yourself on the edge of a cliff. The darkness, despair, loneliness, and pain of depression call for you to do the unthinkable. Your frozen here. You don't want the pain anymore. You don't want to suffer and you can't see your way back to the light.
The demons inside have lead you to a place that no one should go. Those who have not been there do not understand. They can not.
The bright side is you don't have to stay there. I don't know why we (moms) are always so hard on ourselves. I often find myself telling people "oh I'm just a mom!" That right there is part of the problem. There is no "just a mom"! We don't give ourselves credit where it is due! But we sure beat ourselves up when things don't go right!
While I don't have all the answers and I know I will never stop setting unrealistic expectations for myself I do have a little advice. We all know we need time for ourselves. We know that self-care is important. But when your in a dark place even basic tasks are hard. You muster enough of yourself to take care of your children and there isn't anything left for you. It is hard I know and your not alone.
My advice is do one thing! Just one thing. No matter what it is. Take a shower. Go for a walk. Clean your room. Just one thing. Do that thing and feel good about it. Allow yourself that.
If things get to bad then seek help. There is nothing wrong with getting help. Depression and anxiety are real and nothing to be ashamed of.
Remember tomorrow is a new day!
1 comment:
You're a great mom and our kids are so lucky
Post a Comment