My angels!

My angels!
Showing posts with label children dealing with death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children dealing with death. Show all posts

Thursday, March 15, 2018

The death of snowball

So yesterday was a super fun day!  I will tell you all about it later, but first the death of snowball. 

Snowball was my 7 year old daughters hamster.  We had her for about 2 years.  Which I now know is a long time for a hamster.  Ally loved this hamster!  She had to be told not to take it to bed with her, not to share her food with it, and not to take it to the bath with her.    Yes, she did!!!!   Snowball would even come to Ally when it was out of its cage. 

So needless to say Snowball was a very close friend. 

I have no idea why but after I tucked Ally into bed I decided to check and see if snowball had water.  Snowball didn't move when I checked the water bottle, which isn't entirely odd.   But anyways I picked up Snowball.  No movement.  Snowball was DEAD!

 The thought that I held a dead hamster didn't sink in until later!
Stay with me! 
So I calmly put her down and walked out. 

Then ran to my husband and told him.  I asked him what to do.  He was no help.  No, really he even said "I am no help on this one!" 

So I made the decision.  I would put him in charge of bed time (HA, Yeah I was desperate!)  and run to the pet store!  I told Ally to go lay down with daddy.  I mean what if she went to say "Goodnight"  and found a dead hamster (yep it was still in the cage!).   I told her I had to run to the store and daddy did not want to be alone  (that will bite me in the butt one day for sure.) 

I went into her room and held again the dead hamster to take a pic.  Now it dawns on me I am holding in my bare hands a dead animal!!!   I put it back in the cage again and run to the bathroom washing my hands.  That didn't feel clean enough.  At this point my paranoid mind can smell dead animal all over me.  I douse myself in hand sanitizer.   I told the kids stay in bed I will be back, and like  a bat out of hell I was out!  I had to hurry they are 25 minutes away and closed in 55 minutes! 

So faster than the Flash I drove to the pet store.  I run in with my phone in hand pic up and say do you have any of these hamsters!!!! They look at the pic and say "Oh what a cute little guy!"  I reply "Well that little guy is dead!  Which is why I am here for another one." 

They did not... I repeat did not have that kind of hamster!!!  Those of you in your right mind are probably wondering why I did not call first!  I realized this right then too! 

So I quickly grabbed a couple things for the other animals (2 dogs, 1 hedgehog and a tortoise) and head home.  All the while I am thinking of how to tell Ally about this! I planned to let her sleep with me and even stay home from school if necessary.  I was ready to be her rock! 

I get home.  NO ONE....Not one child is in bed!!!! I should have known.

So i get the kids to bed and sit Ally down with me and daddy.  I make him start because I am a nervous wreck, but of coarse I don't like where he is headed.  I mean he isn't saying anything i prepared in my head on the drive home!  So I take over.  At first she laughs and thinks we are joking.  Then she gets quiet, pauses, looks at us and asks "Can I get another one?"   We both say "of coarse".   She smiles says "OK!"  Then she hops off the bed and goes to bed. 

We are both sitting there just staring where she was sitting.  What just happened?  I look at him and say "that was oddly and scarily too easy".  He agrees.   Many crazy thoughts cross our minds.  I sit forever like a deer in headlights.  I cannot begin to fathom what just happened. 

After processing I get gloves (prepared this time) and go into her room to remove the hamster.  She being the sane and level headed one is rightly confused at why I left the dead hamster in the cage! A question that I have no answer to. 

She looks at it.  Says "awe poor Snowball" and as I leave the room she asks if we can bury him like Christopher's Gecko.  I tell her yes Daddy will take care of it with her after school tomorrow.

And my Friends that is the death of Snowball the beloved hamster who lived a long and happy life with her best friend Ally!

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

My heart breaks...

My heart would break for you.  Each and every day my heart would break a little as I watched you decline.  As I watched you suffer and wished for nothing but your suffering to end my heart would break.  My heart would break more with impending reality, that the only escape from your suffering was your death.  Still my heart would break for you, and I longed for you to be at peace.  I longed for your suffering to end.  I didn’t want to see you go.  I only wanted your pain to end.  So my heart was torn broken in a mixed up jumble of pieces that made no sense.  The end came and I should take comfort that you are at peace, but still my heart still breaks.  My heart breaks for my father who no longer has his soul mate.  My heart breaks for my brothers, sisters, and me who no longer have a mother. My heart breaks with each and every day that we cannot share something/ anything with you, from the big game to the cute and funny stories. My heart breaks for my kids, niece, and nephew who no longer have a grandmother to spoil them.  My heart breaks for the pain we all now know.  My heart breaks for my children who now know this fear of losing their mother.  With each and every illness that I contract, from a cold to a bee sting the fear of loss haunts them. My heart breaks for the reality of mortality that has crept into our lives.  My heart breaks…


In memory of my loving mother Dana Alexander, who lost her battle with ALS in May.  I miss you mom.