when Tophers attack

I should have known something was up.  Topher came downstairs and said "Mommy, Evies awake."  I told him they both were supposed to be in bed and to go back to bed.  Then I heard Evie yell.  She yells for me at night because she isn't allowed to get out of bed unless its an emergency. 

I started to go upstairs when I realized she wasn't yelling she was screaming. I ran upstairs and found Topher on top of Evie hitting her.  He was hitting her because she took of her blankets.  She was hot and took off her blankets. Topher took this to mean she wasn't going to bed like she was supposed to.  So when she refused to put her blankets on he attacked. 

Life changing day!

I got a new mattress from my moms today. It isn't new but ours is horrible so were gonna try and see if it works for a while.  We'd buy a new one, but we just got a new car, and when we get a new mattress I want to go all out! I want the best mattress money can buy even if it takes me 4 years to pay it off.  My hubby has serious back problems.

Anyways this is way off the topic. Evie went upstairs because she wanted to put the pillows back on my bed.  Topher went upstairs because Evie went upstairs.  I have no idea what exactly transpired.  I was still downstairs.  I didn't think anything of them being up there alone.  It wasn't for long, and I was coming up soon. 

I heard screams and crying from both kids.  So I ran up.  Evie was on the floor with one pillow under her and one above her head holding her hair down.  She was hysterical, and stained with tears.  Topher was behind the pillow that was over her hair.  It was slightly on his lap.  He was crying to.  I immediately asked what was going on.

It was difficult between all the hysterics to understand, but after a few moments I got the idea. Topher had apparently held the pillow over Evie's face!  She said she couldn't breath and was scared.  I asked Topher, why he was crying.  He said he was crying for his binkie. 

Apparently she was trying to put the pillows on my bed and he was trying to take them downstairs.  So they fought.  My son is only 3, but I have had difficulty holding him back when he is after something. The boy is a tank.  So she didn't stand a chance. 

This was very traumatic for Evie because about a half hour later she just started crying.  I asked her why she was crying.  She said when you love someone sometimes you cry.  She is 4!  Where is this coming from I thought?  I just held her and told her I loved her.  She said she was crying because she loves me and her daddy.

Approximately 30 minutes later I was putting them to bed.  Evie started talking about the incident with the pillow. So I asked, "How did it make you feel?"  She said "scared" "I thought I had to go to the hospital and then the clouds and I would never see my mommy and daddy again."  She thought she was going to die.  My daughter seriously thought her brother was going to kill her this evening.

After she said this I hugged and kissed her.  My son then said, "I was killing her."  I know he has no idea what that really means, but still I was shaken to my core.  I said "No we don't kill anyone.  It is against the rules.  It is absolutely unacceptable behavior. Promise me you will never put a pillow on someones face again."  His response was "promise me you wont hit, kick, or spit."  These are all rules we have posted on the fridge.  I constantly tell him when he breaks them that you don't do these things because they are the rules and point to the fridge for a visual. I think that is why he brought them up at this point.  I said "Ok I promise now you promise me too."  He said "trust me"  at this point in the conversation I was floored!  Who am I talking to I thought?  I said "promise me you won't put pillows on peoples faces any more"  He did.  So I hugged him and said "I trust you."

Then I realized we need to make big changes here.  No longer will Topher be allowed to play any type of violent games.  I removed his army guys, toy swords (he has 2 from medieval times), toy shield, and one hand craved wooden toy gun.  We are gonna have to be careful of what he watches.  He loves transformers, but even the cartoon is really violent.  We are gonna have to watch how he plays.  He is not to be alone with either of his sisters.  I don't know what else to do.

Know don't get me wrong.  My son is very sweet.  He is rough and tough.  He has sensory processing disorder.  He doesn't realize how strong he is.  He loves deep pressure, and bumping into things.  He doesn't understand that things like that hurt others.  He also has a high pain tolerance.  Therefore doesn't understand that things hurt others because it doesn't hurt him. 

Also he does not seem to understand the emotions of others.  He is very caring and worries about others.  He just doesn't seem to get the social cues from people to get whats going on.  I don't know if that really makes sense.  I'm trying my best to explain it, but I don't understand it fully either.  I do not think he realized what was going on, and the ramifications of his actions.  He doesn't seem to understand consequences at all.  He has severe impulse control issues as well. 

He is a good boy but very challenging (aka a hand full).  He is supposed to be in occupational therapy and behavioral therapy, but we can't afford it.

Also,  A couple weeks ago he was trying to hold her head under the water in the bath to. I feel like a failed mother.  How did things get like this?  Where did I go wrong?  What do I do? How do I fix this? 

coughing

All three of the the kids have had a cough and runny nose for some time.  Ally had an ear infection and just finished her antibiotics.  Evie saw the doctor to.  He said their lungs were clear.  So it seemed to be allergies.  Topher didn't see the doctor and I think he needs to.  His cough seems to be getting way worse.  I tried giving him his breathing treatments, but they don't seem to help.  He doesn't seem to have a runny nose,  but it could be draining down the back of his throat.  Nobody has a fever.  It's just that when Topher gets a cough he usually coughs so much he vomits.  Evie and Ally's cough has both improved some, but not gone.  I hope they haven't gotten some other virus!

Ally

Alexandria is now a walker.  She's been cruising for some time, and two days ago she started to get more confident and take more steps on her own.  By on her own I mean without encouragement from mommy or daddy.  She has been walking between the two of us for a couple weeks now.  Now she takes off on her own.  Sometimes it's only a few steps others its more.  Each time she seems to add a step.  She has now walked across the living room without falling!  We are so proud!  Even Evie and Topher are cheering her on!  They make her fall a lot because they try to help her, but she doesn't seem to mind (most of the time). 

Best friends

One thing I love about having kids so close in age that they are the best of friends, often enemies too, but were focusing on friendship here!  This is a friendship that will last their entire lifetime, one like no other, and it truly is amazing to watch.  They fight and say I'm sorry often without being told.  They help each other without being asked, and are very supportive of each other.  It is amazing.  I can't stand the fighting at times, and I am learning to take myself out of it.  I try to let them handle things as much as they can and only get involved when asked or someone is in danger of physical harm (both situations occur quite frequently)! 

It's funny at times I will hear them say "I'm mad at you" or "I'm not your friend anymore", and often they can't even tell me why.  However, it is always short lived and they are playing together again.  They make a great team, trust me I get stuck cleaning up the messes!  They switch off roles of follower and leader.  They are extremely bossy, and tattle on each other a lot.   I can't stand the name calling.  Evie hates to be called names and Topher plays on this constantly.  Then every once in a while he gets upset when she calls him a name.  It never ends, but they don't seem to mind.  Once Evie asked if she could marry Topher.  After I had told her she'd grow up and marry a man she loves.  Because she said she loves him so why couldn't they get married.  I told her it will be a different love. 

The other day Evie ran out of her room and yelled "Mom I have a real emergency!"  At first I was scared then she said "My Rapunzel is missing!"  I said "NO shes not she's lost in your messy room, go find her!"  Topher dropped what he was doing came out of the toy room and said, "What, your Rapunzel is missing?" Without another word he went with her into her room and helped her find that doll!  I was so proud of him, both of them.  I constantly tell them good teamwork.  To the point that they will point out their "Good Teamwork" before I even notice!

They get along well with their sister too, but she's a lil to young still.  She adores them and watches everything they do.  She follows them, and tries to play with them or just with their stuff.  She loves to play in Evie's room.  The kids are good with her, but Topher is always way too rough (he's just to much).  She's learning to walk and will walk to Evie before anyone else!  They are three peas in a pod and I am one lucky mother!

miserable momma

This week has been hell. I started feeling a little nauseous Monday, and it slowly got worse as the week progressed. Today I woke up at 6:00 am just so I could run to the bathroom and vomit! That was great. Then I felt horrible all day long. I am so tired. I am not getting any thing done. Our house looks horrible. I haven't had dishes piled up like this in years. My poor husband and kids have to deal with cranky impatient sick mommy all day. It is awful. I cried today and told my husband I can't do this. His smart ass asked if I wanted an abortion. I replied no I just wanted someone else to be miserable for 9 months not me! Like him! I seriously don't know how I am going to get through this. I know things are going to get worse before they get better. I think it's a girl, because my daughter made me this sick, but my son didn't.

I feel nauseous no matter what I do. I get super thirsty then feel sick for drinking to much water. I feel like I am on fire, or freezing cold. I feel tired, and just yucky. I have no energy. My breasts ache like hell. Plus, I must be sleeping differently because my neck aches. I toss and turn all night, and feel like I haven't slept at all. I wake up throughout the night with my stomach burning.

When its not the pregnancy keeping me up the kids are taking turns waking me up through the night. Evie is potty trained (mostly) she wakes up once or twice a night and goes potty. Of coarse she wakes me up to! Christopher wakes up, and drinks from his bottle or plays with my hair. Then I wake up if hubby is tossing and turning or just getting up. I am suck a light sleeper I think I need my own room, one that is freezing cold because I get hot the most at night!

I know I will get through this I have no choice. I just have to take one day at a time, and just ignore the dirty dishes. I'll get to them when I get to them. I also am buying more quick and easy foods, because I can't guarantee I will be up to cooking when it's time to cook!

The potty train!

I started potty training Evangeline around 18 months. We bought a potty chair and put it in the living room for her to sit on and just get used to it. I didn't want to rush her, and I found that she would sit on the potty for stickers. At first every time she sat on the potty she got a sticker, but I didn't know how long to have her sit, or how to get her to sit for any amount of time! So I let her play with the stickers. I made a poster and pinned it to the wall at a level she could reach. Then while she sat on the potty she put stickers on the poster. You can get tons of stickers at a local dollar store, ours is called Dollar Tree!

After a while this got old to her, and she was ready to start sitting on the potty with no diaper. She went a few times and we made a huge todo about it! This got her excited for a while. We then had the problem of her not being able to sit on the potty without her brother climbing on her. Plus, her Dora potty kept falling apart. So we got two new potty chairs "frogs". The kids love them. We keep these in the living room and Dora in the bathroom.

This solved the problem of brother climbing on sister. Then as an added bonus Christopher is already starting to potty train without even knowing it. He is encouraged to sit on the potty when Evie does. With his diaper still on because he doesn't sit long. He even says, "pee pee in potty" in his baby voice, but momma knows what he's trying to say. When Evie goes we take the tray to the bathroom to empty it, flush, and clean it out. Christopher follows with his in hand just because that is what you do. He isn't ready for actual potty training, but this foundation should help!

After the joy of the stickers wore off I made a chart on poster board. Evie got to color it then I wrote on it "Evangeline's good girl chart" I filled the chart with squares and every fifth square had a star on it. She gets stickers for going potty, and any good behavior I notice throughout the day! Then every time a sticker gets placed on the star she gets a prize. I have a shoe box that I fill with toys from the dollar store for her to pick from. It is our treasure chest.

Christopher is old enough that he wants stickers and prizes to, but doesn't understand why or what for. Every time Evie gets a sticker he does to. He also gets stickers for any good behavior noticed during the day! Then he to gets a prize. His chart is simply a blank calender that says on top "Christopher's good boy chart".

Both of them love to get stickers and prizes. The problem I now face is that Evangeline goes potty all day with no accidents only if she is naked. I can't get her to tell me she has to go when she has diapers or pull ups on. She even has accidents in panties. I don't know if she isn't quite ready for that or what. I know that she can not pull up or down her pants on her own. I am working on teaching her how to. Hopefully that will help. So for now when we are home she mostly runs around in a tee shirt!

What I like best!

I know that the last year hasn't been easy. Having kids so close in age is far from easy. Some days I don't know how I made it this far. Then I look at their smiling faces and I remember why and how I did it. They make every difficulty and sacrifice well worth it.

The best thing is how close they are. Despite being so young they are already great friends. They are happy to see each other every day when one wakes up in the morning and from naps. They love to play with each other. They worry about each other when one of them is crying. They figure things out together (more often as they get older) without help from mommy and daddy. They truly have a unique and wonderful relationship that will last a lifetime. Something that most people never get to have. They really are the best of friends.

Not that all day it is buddy buddy around here. However, they can be fighting one minute and laughing the next. I only interrupt when it is not fair or when someone can get hurt.

MINE!

It seems that sometime during the night this week my daughter was replaced with a "MINE" monster. All of a sudden everything is "MINE". Things she freely shared yesterday are not without a price today. I have tried asking her to share, but she just throws a tantrum crying as if her life depended upon it. She does this with things that she never plays with and things that aren't even hers. Suddenly whatever her brother has is hers, and it is very special to her.

I still ask her to share, but I know the response will be tear soaked checks so I redirect. As quick as I can I happily bring up anything that I can that is not related to the item. This works about half the time or at least for a few minutes. The rest of the time I end up taking the toy away. Due to the fact that Christopher had the toy first he is very hesitant to let it go. So a tug of war match erupts, and never ends well. Evie has become an expert at pushing down her brother. Which I am not to happy about. I use time outs, but they are young and it will take time.

I know that neither of my children are capable of sharing yet. However, I still want to encourage that type of behavior. On good days they do share, and do so without any interventions from me at all.

Binkie Enabler!

Our Pediatrician has been nagging me for months because of my daughter's attachment to her binkie. "We aren't trying hard enough to break this habit," he says. Apparently binkies cause all sorts of problems after the age of one or some where in there. They cause speech delays or other speech problems, dental problems, and ear infections.

But what about all the good they do! Ok, that part is just me being selfish. Having two kids so close together is hard work. For example how do you make a 18 month old toddler be quiet for any amount of time???? You give them a binkie!!! If the baby is asleep and Evie is being fussy I give her a binkie. If I am trying hard to get my son to sleep and he can't because his sister is making too much noise for whatever reason I give her a binkie. If I need some peace and quiet to keep my sanity in tack I give every body a binkie!

I know this will all pass and she will out grow the binkie. I have yet to see a kid in elementary school with his or her binkie still. I just don't want to rush her because I am not ready. I can't deal with the screaming.

How on earth could I get one kid to sleep when the other won't stop screaming? Not to mention the fact that at this point all it does is provide comfort for her when I can't. She will take it out and give it to me when I ask for it with little thought. At times she even says it is "Yucky". If she puts it in my mouth I spit it out and say "YUCK".

So I am trying. Just not that hard, but do you blame me. She has had some ear infections and I feel horrible, as if they are my fault for allowing her to have a binkie and bottle. I just don't really know what else to do!

I want to ride the pony!

The other day I was crawling around on all fours picking up toys. When it occurred to me that my daughter has never had a pony ride. So I scooped her up on my back and carried her around while I finished cleaning. She had so much fun. In fact to much fun.

Now I can't get down on the floor or she crawls onto my back. Thankfully she has a short attention span and gets bored or distracted quickly. That's not the worst part though. Yesterday, her brother the scooter was minding his own business when he got an unexpected passenger. Yep, she sat down on his back, more like his bum.

Oh, Yeah I freaked. Before I could get to them he just slowly stretched out his neck and turned his head back to see what was going on. He looked like a turtle! It was so funny, and the look on his face said, "What the heck are you doing?" But then he smiled at her and turned his head back to what ever he was focused on before the interruption. Despite his indifference to his new passenger I removed his sister. Then I said, "Evie, we don't go for pony rides on baby brother!"

Thankfully she is tiny and he's kind of big. She only weighs 20lbs 13oz and he weighs 17lbs. At least they both get along, for now anyways!!

I give up! Update: My daughter won't sleep in her own bed.

I know I only worked at it for a little over a week, but this is killing me. I keep trying to get my daughter to sleep in her own bed, but she doesn't want to. The pediatrician said to keep at it and eventually she will get it. I don't know what she's supposed to get. So far all she has developed is a fear of walking by her bedroom when its close to bed time.

Tonight she was tired and ready for bed, but we had company over so she stayed up and played longer than she should have. After they left she grabbed her Binky, bottle, and blanket then started following me around. I had to go to the bathroom first. As she followed me we walked past her bedroom and she stopped and looked frightened at her room then at me. When she realized I wasn't going in her room she was fine. This hurt me so much. I felt so bad. I couldn't believe the look on her face. She remembered being put in there and was obviously seriously upset by it.

I posted a week update last Wednesday. Thursday night I put her in her bed again, but Friday and Saturday nights we were out of town visiting my In-Laws so our schedule got messed up. Sunday night I didn't put her in her crib for long I felt like I was starting all over and didn't really want to. So basically I gave up. She will be sleeping in our bed for now. The bad part of this is I have a six year old brother who still sleeps in my parents room almost every night. My husband seems to think at some point she will just want to sleep in her own bed. Yeah, when she's 13. The only good news is for now it saves us some money. We are now using her crib for Christopher who has needed to move from the bassinet to a crib for a long time now. I was procrastinating the move because our bassinet is a bed side one and due to Christopher's health problems I didn't want him very far from me.

The end result of all this will probably be me sharing my bed with Evie and Christopher while daddy gets the couch. So much for any romance. I don't even know what that means any more! I guess the best birth control is kids!

Irish Twins: Cheating One?

I love my children very much. With that being said, Having the two so close together is very difficult. I often wonder if I am missing out on things with one or the other. Or worse if I am causing them to miss out on something or really cheating them out of some part of their childhood.

Because they are both so young they are each changing so fast it is hard to keep up. I feel that because each day moves so fast we are already missing out. It is hard enough to just get through the day with my sanity let alone stop and smell the roses. I feel so frantic at times, especially when they both are crying. The little things get missed and rushed instead of held onto and cherished. Whether its rocking the baby or cuddling with my daughter to help her fall asleep (it's the only way to get her to fall asleep) I have to force myself to take a deep breath, relax, and forget the world to so I can be completely in that moment. However, with thoughts of laundry, dishes, a neglected husband, a badly needed shower, and lots more cleaning circling round in my head relaxation even for a moment is next to impossible. Ironically, these time consuming moments are going to be the ones that are missed the most later, and I'll never be able to get them back.

I want to remember every minute of each of my kids lives. I want to be able to look back and tell them all about themselves as babies when they're adults. I want to remember the way they looked, acted, and smelled (at least after a bath I can do without remembering the dirty diaper smell). I also want them to remember their childhoods as happy fun times. I fear that with them being so close this may not be possible. Already so much has been over looked and forgotten during our frantic daily adventures. Most days I can't remember if I had a shower or not let alone what the kids did that day. Last week is a blur lost amidst dirty diapers, bottles, sippy cups, and bubble baths.

I also want to be the best mother that is humanly possible. Better than all the mother's before me. Unfortunately, it is difficult to give either one of them my full attention during most of the day. I try my best to allow one on one time throughout the day for each child. Ideally this is a great practice, but it is easier said than done. If one or the other needs something they are both at the age where they let you know that loud and clear, and neither has the ability to wait for long. I usually make my youngest wait if he can so his sister doesn't think he is causing her discomfort. Then I feel guilty like I should have known what was going to happen and planned ahead accordingly after all I am super mom right?

I think a large part of the problem is that so much is expected of mothers. We are supposed to be June Cleaver and have a clean home, happy children, dinner on the table, and all done in high heals with our pearls on. The reality isn't that pretty. Some days dishes are piled high others its laundry and even look at the carpet! My toddler likes to eat on the go! As a stay at home mom I feel like I should have everything done for the house, the kids, and my husband. I mean that is my job. I know it sounds like I am complaining, but I am not I wouldn't trade my job for anything in the world. It is the best and hardest job on the planet.

It just feels at times like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I have the fate of two human beings to think about with every decision I make. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason so to answer my question, "No I don't think it's cheating to have my kids so close in age. I think they are just the way God intended them to be, and I love them for who they are and who they will become. I just pray that I can be the mother they need to get them there, where ever that may be."