so tired

OMG!  I am so tired.  These nebulizer treatments every 4 hours for Topher are killing me.  Plus, I wake up every time anyone coughs or sneezes.  Ally had to sleep the last two nights without her apnea monitor on her due to a horrific rash the leads gave her.  So naturally I was up every hour checking her to make sure she was still breathing.  Her pediatrician said he didn't think she needed it anymore, but the specialist has yet to take her off of it.  If I didn't use it and something happened I would never forgive myself.  The rash is gone so hopefully I will get more sleep tonight.  Topher will still be getting his breathing treatments thou!

Worst Night!

Ok last night didn't go so well. Christopher woke up a lot. He ate a bottle before bed at around 8pm from then until 7:30am he ate almost 3 more bottles. The last one was only about half. He woke up another time because I moved his bed. I felt it was to close to the heater. He woke up another time, but I told myself if he wasn't crying I was not to go in. So I listened on the baby monitor and that time he fell back to sleep on his own. So all in all he was up 5 times.

That was not the worst part. The worst part was me. I could not sleep. I kept checking on him, and listening to the baby monitor. I need one with a camera so I can watch, or at least glance at him when I worry. I want a wireless one with two cameras so I can watch both kids where ever and when ever I want to. It is hard to let go and allow your kids to grow up. I was really worried he might cry and I not hear him. I imagined him crying all night long.

I was a wreck all night long. I don't think I slept much at all. The good part was that Evie slept pretty good having the bed to herself most of the night. If only I could get her to go to sleep in her own bed. One thing at a time. I think that it is really me who isn't ready for all this growing up stuff! My babies aren't babies their toddlers now. Just growing up and up!

His own room!

Tonight is Christopher's first night in his own room. I want to move to a 3 bedroom apartment in our building, but my husband said "NO". I told him the kids need their own rooms. I believe it is the only way to get them to sleep all night. Now that being said, I am afraid I could be wrong. If I make us move, even though my husband doesn't want to I had better be right. Or I will never hear the end of it. So we are testing it out. On Christopher because he is used to sleeping on his own anyways, but he has always been within a couple of feet from me.

So now finally he is in his own bed in his own room, AKA the "toy room". All this was good in theroy, but I feel sad. I can't sleep. I keep worrying about him. To make matters worse I just had the most horrible thought, what if he wakes up petrified because it doesn't look the same. He might be frightened and not know where he is. I know I'm a little nerotic and need to let go, but I can't. He's my baby. Plus out of both of my children he is the only one who ever has had any problems. He has Laryngomalacia, acid reflux, excema, and a very sensitive gag reflex. He is the child that makes me worry.

Wish me luck. It is already after 9pm and the kids have been asleep for an hour. I am enjoying the quiet, but I should be enjoying the sleeping time. I know they will be up early if not during the night!

If this works we will be moving into a 3 bedroom! Maybe I will get my bed back soon! I am not holding my breath!

Overparenting?

I read an article in "Cookie" that talked about over parenting or helicopter parenting that really got me thinking. Do I or am I over parenting? First of all being a mom is my job, literally it's what I do, stay at home mom. So how do you over do that? Maybe I am just really good at my job!

Ok. Ok. My kids cry for mommy all the time. Especially my son, but he's only 11 months. That's what they do at that age, Right? I know they prefer mommy most times, but that is because I am always here for them. I change the diapers, make the food, kiss the boo-boos, give the baths, and on and on. Daddy helps, but in this house daddy means big fun. Seriously, he's a sucker.

Alright, time to be honest here. I am a little of a helicopter, but I give them their space as well. I do hold back when it comes to letting them do things on their own. I don't do it on purpose I just want to make sure they are safe and healthy. For example neither of my children held their own bottles until about a year old. Evie knew how to hold her bottle, but choose not to. She preferred me holding it instead, but when her baby brother was born she was forced to hold her own more often. Mommy only has two hands right. Often, I was still stuck holding a child in each arm and a bottle in both hands! Now Christopher only holds his bottle when he is really hungry! Which is my fault because I was always worried about him eating enough. He was always more interested in playing than eating! So I would hold him and feed him.

Evie is almost 2 and I can't get her off the bottle. I think it is because she sees her brother with one so she wants one to. Lately she says that she is the baby. She wants to be rocked and cuddled just like a baby. I think it is because Christopher is getting attention because he is learning to walk. We are trying so hard to encourage him without letting her feel left out!

Evie still sleeps in my bed. I have no idea when or how to get her out of my bed. I started sleeping with her in my arms when she was about 3 weeks old. Unfortunately, she never learned to soothe herself, and sleep on her own. Now nap and bed time I have to lay down with her so she can fall asleep. Otherwise she stays up late and doesn't sleep enough. Which makes life almost unbearable for the rest of us! She can be very cranky!

Now Christopher is about to turn one and make the switch from formula to whole milk. As well as hopefully ditch the bottle with little protest. I am not holding my breath on that one! He does reject his bottle more often than not during the day, but at night he downs two or three bottles. I still can't get him to sleep through the night! One day, some day I hope to sleep all night without anyone waking me up! One can dream right!

I know most of my problems are my own fault. The worst part is that know I don't know how to fix them. I can't take away bottle and binkies when the kids cry for them. I will not just let them cry. I am hoping that eventually they will stop asking for the on their own. I am just not going to advertise there existence. If the ask for them then they ask for them. Well, that is my plan for now. I know the pediatrician won't like it, but he doesn't have to hear the kids cry. The worst part is that when one cries the other usually starts in shortly after!

Insomnia

I can't sleep and it is killing me. I am tired, but then my head hits the pillow and I can't sleep. All day my head has been empty, but when I lay down thoughts start swimming around my in my head. What to do, what not to do, grocery lists, budgets, birthdays, the past year, the next year, and anything else that climbs in there. I spent most of the day in a tired fog, and now my head is working overtime.

I took a nap with the kids. Which now I am thinking "big mistake". I was tired until I went to lay down! I hope this helps, because it's late and I NEED sleep!

I know some of my problem is stress. I am stressed over money, marriage, life, parenting, and anything else that list doesn't cover. Actually, my marriage is doing surprisingly well. Considering that we hardly get any time to ourselves, sex is a foreign word no longer in our vocabulary. I mean we share our bed with a toddler. The most exciting thing going on in there is dodging kicks throughout the night! But we love each other and I can't imagine ever loving anyone else, or ever being without him. He's my knight in shining armor.

I am stressed over money. Especially since I don't work. I feel like I need to find ways to stretch our money as far as possible. I also feel guilty for wanting things, they cost money! I feel guilty for not working, and that my husband has to work. I don't like that he feels he has to carry the financial burden alone. I wish I could find good work at home! I don't have money to start an at home business, especially one that may not succeed!

I am stressed over the kids. They still take bottles and binkies. I don't know how to not. I give them sippies throughout the day. My son doesn't even hold his bottle most times. I know I have over parented. I can't help it. It's my job, and I am good at it. Too good in areas, and not so good in others. Neither of my kids sleep all night without a bottle or two, or three. I lay down each night with my kids until they fall asleep. I don't know how to get them to sleep any other way! We all sleep in one room. I don't know if they need their own room or not, but I am so afraid of something happening to them. Plus, for them to have their own rooms we would have to move. Something not undo-able (I don't know if that is a word!). I just don't know what to do about these things.

I think it's time for bed...

I want to go to bed. It is almost 10pm and I know it is time for bed. However, my daughter (who unfortunately wears the pants) won't go to sleep. She keeps laughing and playing. So here I am on the Internet and she is playing next to me on her toy laptop. Everyone else is asleep and I wish I were to. We are supposed to get up early to go to Michigan. I don't know if that will happen. Mommy can't pack if she can't open her eyes. Why don't I pack tonight? Good question, I know my husband will wonder the same thing. I am to TIRED to pack.

I did discover what looks like a cool system to help me. It is the baby sleep coach system, and it sounds very interesting. I am tempted to buy it now, because it has a money back guarantee. It guarantees my kids will sleep! I can't even do that and I gave birth to them! I am just not sure if the program works with multiple kids. I emailed them and will post later regarding what they say. If it will I am gonna buy it. I need my kids to sleep, for mine and their sake.

Not to move!

Despite the fact that I feel the move to a 3 bedroom apartment is necessary we have decided not to move. Mainly because the apartment is almost exactly the same as our current apartment, but costs $60 more. My husband says he is not going to pay more for the same size place. I understand especially the way the economy is today.

However, at the same time we really need 3 bedrooms. Christopher is a light sleeper, and moves around a lot. His own room would be quieter, and warmer than ours so he could sleep comfortable. If Evie had her own room we could work on getting her to sleep in her own bed. I know she will scream and fight it, and we can't even try it with Christopher in our room. He would never be able to sleep. Then I would have 2 cranky screaming babies!

To move or not to move?

We live in a two bedroom apartment, but it is the size of a 3 bedroom. Which means that our master bedroom is HUGE! I have a king bed, two end tables, twin bed, toddler bed, crib, dresser, computer desk, vanity, two bookcases, and a jewelry chest in our room, and we still have tons of floor space.

The problem is that both our kids sleep in our room. My son falls asleep in my bed or my arms, and then is placed in his crib. He wakes up at least twice a night. The worst night he was up 6 times. I think if he had his own room he might sleep through the night. I think that some of the times he just gets woken up by noises we make. Daddy snores, mommy coughing, and sister crying or laughing.

My daughter sleeps in our bed still. I can't try to get her to sleep in her own bed because if she screams and cries (which she will) she will wake up her brother. Then I will be dealing with two extremely unhappy children at one time. If you have more than one child then you feel my pain. One cries so the other can't sleep then they both start to cry followed by you crying as well (if you can't beat 'em, join 'em).

I think that if we had a 3 bedroom I might be able to get the kids to sleep in their own beds and sleep through the night. I am not sure if this plan would work, but it sure does sound good!

We looked at renting some houses, buying right now is not an option. To big, to small, to expensive is all we found so far. The problem is I love where we live. We park indoors so during inclement weather I don't have to take the kids out to go somewhere. I love our neighbors (on our floor). So I want to stay there, but I want 3 bedrooms.

A 3 bedroom opened up on our floor. Which I felt was a sign from God. My husband won't even look at it. It costs more, has less square footage, and has only 1 bathroom. We currently have 2. Another apartment opened up on the 2nd floor, and is exactly like ours. The only difference is that it has 3 bedrooms. Basically our big bedroom only with a wall in the middle.

We told our landlord that we would take it, but now my husband says "No". He says it is stupid to move into the exact same size apartment, but pay more money (70$ more)! I agree, but desperately want the 3rd bedroom! I understand his concerns about money especially with the economy the way it is. Plus, with me not working I feel that when it comes to money I don't have much of a say! We already turned off the cable to save money for a while. I know if I made a fuss he would move for me, but what if he is right and it's a bad decision.

I guess my biggest problem is that I don't know how to get my kids to sleep when I want them to sleep. I am trying for a bed time before 9pm, but most nights I am left at the mercy of my children and when they decide to fall asleep. I don't know what to do! I can't just throw them in bed and let them cry, and I won't

My daughter won't sleep!

My 18 month old daughter has never been one for sleeping a whole lot. Now that she is getting older it is getting harder and harder to get her to sleep. She has always slept in our bed and usually falls asleep in my or my husband's arms. She has regrettably never learned to fall asleep on her own. So if we can't lay down with her for whatever reason she is a bear. Also sometimes she just won't fall asleep. I don't know why. She can be super tired, but instead of sleeping she just goes and goes. As long as she gets whatever she wants she is fine, but if you tell her no she throws a fit because she is so tired. I don't know what to do. I have tried letting her cry in her crib, but I can't do it. We got up to 20 minutes of her just screaming then I quit. I couldn't handle it. Also during that time period she was extra clingy to me and extra whinny. I am at my whits end. I want her to get the sleep she needs, but I also want it at predictable intervals. So life can move on without tiptoeing around naps. I would like to create a schedule and have nap time at nap time. I don't know how to do this. We have always just let our daughter tell us when she is hungry or tired and worked around that. For infants this strategy is fine, but as kids age and become more vocal and active this no longer works.

Sleep PLEASE!!!

Last night was awful...

I'll start with my son. He was asleep by 7:30, and I thought oh what a great night this is shaping up to be. He woke up at 10 and ate 5 ounces and went back to sleep after I changed his diaper. No big deal. He woke up a 1 am and I thought, "What the heck?" But I made him a bottle, he only ate 3 ounces and I changed his diaper. He went back to sleep. Then 4 am hit and he was awake. He was wide awake and didn't fall back to sleep until between 5:15 and 5:30. Then at 7 he was up. He took a 3o minute nap at 9am. Ok, so that wasn't too bad, but combine that with my daughter and "Ouch, I'm hurting for some sleep".

My daughter's night wasn't so pleasant. She didn't fall asleep until after midnight. I tried and tried. She then was whining at 3 am. She wanted to cuddle with me, but I didn't feel good and couldn't get comfortable so every time I moved she moved. We each made the other uncomfortable every time we moved so for about an hour neither of us slept. Then when her brother woke up so did she. She tried to get out of bed but I kept yelling at her, "No, lay down it's bed time."

Finally in desperation I turned on Muzzy, the foreign language DVD set we have, both the kids love it, and laid them both down. I tried to sleep. Every 10-15 minutes my daughter would bother me and I'd just tell her no time for bed. They both fell asleep a little after 5. Around 9:30 my daughter was up for the day.

Now its tonight and we are headed down the same path. Christopher has been asleep since 8pm. Evie is tired, but won't sleep. She sleeps with me and usually I don't have such trouble. We spent the weekend at my in-laws and there it is impossible to make her sleep so we basically let her stay up until she can't any longer. That's not gonna fly here. She no longer has her own crib. I couldn't get her to sleep in it. So instead of buying a second crib her brother sleeps in hers. She is currently screaming bloody murder because I put her in the play pin and told her she has to go to bed because it is bed time. I feel absolutely awful, but don't know what else to do. I have to sleep or I'm gonna go nuts!!!!

If any one has ideas to solve our sleep dilemma I am all ears!!!!!

I give up! Update: My daughter won't sleep in her own bed.

I know I only worked at it for a little over a week, but this is killing me. I keep trying to get my daughter to sleep in her own bed, but she doesn't want to. The pediatrician said to keep at it and eventually she will get it. I don't know what she's supposed to get. So far all she has developed is a fear of walking by her bedroom when its close to bed time.

Tonight she was tired and ready for bed, but we had company over so she stayed up and played longer than she should have. After they left she grabbed her Binky, bottle, and blanket then started following me around. I had to go to the bathroom first. As she followed me we walked past her bedroom and she stopped and looked frightened at her room then at me. When she realized I wasn't going in her room she was fine. This hurt me so much. I felt so bad. I couldn't believe the look on her face. She remembered being put in there and was obviously seriously upset by it.

I posted a week update last Wednesday. Thursday night I put her in her bed again, but Friday and Saturday nights we were out of town visiting my In-Laws so our schedule got messed up. Sunday night I didn't put her in her crib for long I felt like I was starting all over and didn't really want to. So basically I gave up. She will be sleeping in our bed for now. The bad part of this is I have a six year old brother who still sleeps in my parents room almost every night. My husband seems to think at some point she will just want to sleep in her own bed. Yeah, when she's 13. The only good news is for now it saves us some money. We are now using her crib for Christopher who has needed to move from the bassinet to a crib for a long time now. I was procrastinating the move because our bassinet is a bed side one and due to Christopher's health problems I didn't want him very far from me.

The end result of all this will probably be me sharing my bed with Evie and Christopher while daddy gets the couch. So much for any romance. I don't even know what that means any more! I guess the best birth control is kids!

Update Week One: My Daughter Won't Sleep In Her Crib.

As you know my daughter is queen of our castle, and sleeps in the middle of our king size bed. We are trying to get her to sleep in her crib before her brother, who is almost 5 months now, decides that he wants to sleep with us too. Our pediatrician recommended us we get her used to her bed by starting with 5 minutes the first week then 10 and so on. We are to put her into the crib then once she starts crying the timer starts. Well it's been one week of pure torture.

Day1:
I put her into her crib and immediately she started screaming. It sounded so bad. I thought I was going to cry. It really broke my heart she sounded like she was in pain. Well our princess is daddy's little angel so after 3 minutes he broke down and got her out. I was so mad that he couldn't wait 2 more minutes. Plus, after that she didn't even go to bed right away. So the first night really didn't count.

Day 2:
I out her into her crib for 5 minutes. She cried really bad, but not as bad as last nights. I tried to keep myself busy, but it was horrible. I went to get her out of bed and I almost broke down. She was so cute standing in her crib screaming, but she was doing the sign for "all done". I got her out of bed, and decided that she couldn't be rewarded with TV or anything it was straight to bed in mom and dads bed. So I laid down with her and to my surprise she was out in a matter of minutes.

Day 3:
I decided to also use this method for nap time and after 5 minutes in her crib she was out in 2 minutes for her nap. That was a record usually I have to lay down with her and watch TV for 30 minutes to 2 hours. I stuck to the no TV policy though. Bed time was harder. She cried like crazy again. Tonight she was in there for 10 minutes while I finished the dishes. When I got her out I felt like the worst mom in the universe. Her face was soaked from under her eyes to her neck with tears, snot, and slobber. I felt awful. Again we went to bed and with in minutes she was asleep.

Day 4:
Tonight was not any different from last only that due to having to take care of her brother also she was in her crib for 15 minutes. Again her face was wet. However, it may be that I am getting used to hearing her screaming in her bed or she's not screaming as intense as before.

Day 5:
Tonight was the worst night by far. Now she has caught on to the bed time routine. We eat dinner, she plays for a while, then gets her bath, then I try to get her to do relaxing things like read a book, and then we grab her bottle, Binky, and softy (her blanket we don't go anywhere without it) and off to bed we go. This time as I was getting ready to put her into her bed she held onto me. So I had to force her to let go of me and lay down. She never stays laying down before I get the bed rail up she's always standing up screaming. Actually having to pry her off me was so painful. I had to make myself put her into her crib. I didn't want to at all. When I got her out after 10 minutes I held her so tight and told her, "See mommy will always come back to get you." I don't know if that was the right thing to say or not.

Day 6:
Like yesterday my daughter has gotten the process down. She doesn't like it at all, and I don't know if she will ever sleep in her room. Tonight she was holding onto me before we even got into her room. When I carry her she never holds on, but tonight she had a death grip around my arm. When I got her out again she went to sleep within a few minutes, but she cries herself to sleep in my arms holding on like there is no tomorrow. When I try to move her next to me she cries and I have to tell her its OK. I think she's worried whether or not I'm still there. She has to hold onto both of my hands until she falls asleep now. When I let go she moves her hands all over until she finds mine again. She does this until she is finally into a deep sleep. Which usually takes 15 to 20 minutes.

Day 7:
My sister went into labor today, and we were at grandma's house until 11:30 pm. When we got home we went straight to bed. I was to tired to torture her tonight.

Lately, she cries more in her sleep. She has been waking up more frequently at night to. Although, that really isn't new she has yet to sleep through an entire night without waking up at least once. We have also been trying to wean her off bottles. She was doing really good down to one or two a day, and that was only at bedtime or during the night. However, lately she wants a bottle more often, and refuses her cups unless they are regular cups. I don't know if these set backs are from how traumatizing this really is to her or if they are just coincidence. I do know that I feel like a horrible mother for doing this to her.

The doctor seemed to think this process wouldn't take to long for her to figure it out. What exactly she is supposed to figure out is beyond me. It would seem to me that she is learning to cry until mommy comes. Because no matter how long it takes mommy will come, eventually.

If anyone has any advice or ideas I'm all ears. I can not keep increasing the time. What happens when we get to an hour. I'm supposed to let her cry for an hour? There has got to be a better way.

My daughter won't sleep in her own bed.

I love my daughter more than anything in the world except my son of coarse. But that being said, I think I have created a monster and I don't know what to do about it. Its been said if momma ain't happy no one is, well in our house if Evie ain't happy no one is!

They say to put your baby down to sleep when she is drowsy not asleep so they learn to comfort themselves. They say not to jump every time they cry, but give them a minute or two and see if they can fix the problem on their own. By "They" I mean just about every child expert on the planet. Unfortunately I did not listen. As a new parent at first I followed all the rules, but it didn't work. First you have to understand that I didn't think I would ever have kids. My husband and I had been trying for 9 years with no success. So when I was pregnant I was SUPER paranoid something would go wrong. I just would not be able to handle that. Then when my princess was born it got worse. I would watch her sleep in the bassinet all night long. Suddenly it would be 3 or 4 in the morning and I'd had no sleep. Then I would put my hand on her chest or back every few minutes to make sure she was breathing. I desperately feared finding a cold blue baby next to me. So after about 3 weeks of this she was moved from the bassinet into my arms. I know I know this is a Big NO, NO. But I had to sleep. Plus, I am such a light sleeper the little sound of her Binky popping out of her mouth would wake me up. So there we were snug as bugs in a rug. Then I found out I was pregnant and decided that before the new baby was here Evie would be sleeping in her crib. Right!

Every women who has been pregnant knows how tired it can make you. Add taking care of an infant on top of that. I was exhausted. I couldn't get out of bed at times to go get her when she cried. I even had to stop breastfeeding because I was so wore out. A decision I regretted later. We'll talk about that later. So what I ended up doing was having everything I would or could need siting on a table next to the bed. Bottles were ready with a pre-measured dispenser for the formula all I had to do was pour and shake. Some days we didn't get out of bed.
Needless to say time went on and on. Then my son was born. Now I had no excuse. I tried to put her in her bed, but she cried and screamed and I cried. So that didn't last long. I couldn't just let her scream no matter what all the experts said. It was pure torture to me and sounded like it was to her to. The screaming was in part just a show to get what she wanted. I know that and I knew that then. But not entirely so. Part of it is due to a toddlers inability to control and understand their emotions. She knows I'll come back but she's afraid to be alone and doesn't know when I'll be back. Think of that from her perspective its really scary. Plus, she knows I could come and get her but I'm not. Why not?

Remember I said I always slept with her in my arms. Well at 15 months she doesn't sit still for anything. So now she wants to sleep in my arms. She is tired, but doesn't want to sit still. You can see the problem. So at first we started turning on the TV until she fell asleep. OK. But who has time to lay around watching TV waiting for the baby to fall asleep. The house needs cleaned, the baby needs taken care of, I need a shower. You get the picture.
Then the newborn needs attention and everything starts all over. Evie either watches her movie or becomes jealous either way now both are awake crabby and mad they need mommy and can't sleep because their brother or sister is crying to loud. I tell Evie mommy loves you wait a minute let me take care of brother. He's the easier one you just feed him and change his diaper 9 out of 10 times that's the end of his fussing and hes back to bed. In his own bed. Which is the bassinet next to the bed.

Lately the movie doesn't work. She's tired but will not lay still even in my arms. I end up strapping her down in her stroller reclining it all the way back and walking around until she falls asleep. Granted this is excellent exercise, but not at 10 in the evening. Oh, and I start our bed time routine around 7, but it usually takes me until 10 or 11 to get her to fall asleep. I know this is my fault she has never learned to console herself. She can't just lay there and fall asleep and I can't let her just cry for hours and hours. I know I'll probably have to because something has to be done.

We have recently decided that this has to end. When Christopher gets old enough to see he's missing out we are going to be in a world of trouble. The bed is only so big. Dad would be moved to the couch, and I already don't see much of him as it is. Not that he doesn't help, he does ALOT. But I can't remember the last time we got to cuddle for more than a few seconds. Well talk about this later to.

Our pediatrician said to start small and slow. Put her in her crib once she starts crying set a timer for 5 minutes then if she's still crying go get her. Do this for the first week then move up 10 minutes and so on. It will be a few weeks before I let you know if it works or not. I haven't started yet. I'm really afraid to.