Hair pulling gone, but hitting in!

Christopher has recently stopped pulling hair, for the most part someone still gets an occasional pull. This is how I handled any unwanted behavior, every time he would pull hair I would tell him, "No we don't pull hair it hurts!" Then I would put him in the pack in play for a minute or two. He hates to be in there, and it was the only way to give him a time out without sitting on him! Timeout is great if you can keep the kids in time out for more than a second.

He does play with my hair still, and I don't know how to stop that obsession. If he wakes up at night and I'm not there he gets pissed because playing with my hair is his soothing method! I absolutely hate it. My husband will try to comfort him, but once he reaches for the hair he realizes it's not there and he gets pissed!

However, as one unwanted behavior seemed to vanish overnight another moved in! He now hits and pushes. It is almost like he is just evil. Except when you watch him he isn't doing it out of anger (usually). For example he has a water gun and because he can't use it properly he walks around hitting people with it. In his mind he is shooting them.

Unfortunately, since Evie is an easier target she is constantly getting hit by him. Don't feel to bad for her, she is no angel! She hits and pushes him just as much. I think some of this behavior she inadvertently taught him! She has been pushing him since he could walk. So now that he is bigger he's pushing back.

He is usually just playing when he hits or pushes, but sometimes he is upset. He doesn't talk much, and I'm gonna have his hearing check just to make sure. I think that he gets frustrated at time and since he doesn't know how to deal with that he hits or pushes. He also resorts to hair pulling when he is angry.

My biggest concern is when he hits his sister she hits back, and or vice versa. I feel like I am watching a wrestling match most of the day! Well some days are like watching mortal enemies along the front lines and then other days they are the best of friends. I usually don't interfere unless someone is really hurt, or going to get hurt! I really don't know what to do about this or if their is anything I can do.

MINE!

It seems that sometime during the night this week my daughter was replaced with a "MINE" monster. All of a sudden everything is "MINE". Things she freely shared yesterday are not without a price today. I have tried asking her to share, but she just throws a tantrum crying as if her life depended upon it. She does this with things that she never plays with and things that aren't even hers. Suddenly whatever her brother has is hers, and it is very special to her.

I still ask her to share, but I know the response will be tear soaked checks so I redirect. As quick as I can I happily bring up anything that I can that is not related to the item. This works about half the time or at least for a few minutes. The rest of the time I end up taking the toy away. Due to the fact that Christopher had the toy first he is very hesitant to let it go. So a tug of war match erupts, and never ends well. Evie has become an expert at pushing down her brother. Which I am not to happy about. I use time outs, but they are young and it will take time.

I know that neither of my children are capable of sharing yet. However, I still want to encourage that type of behavior. On good days they do share, and do so without any interventions from me at all.

Don't feed the monkeys!

There is a reason signs like this are posted in zoos and parks. Certain behavior should not be encouraged. Regardless of how cute or fun the behavior seems at that point in time. I wish people would not feed my monsters. Or in other words I do not want them to encourage certain behaviors that turns my angels into monsters.

For example, if one of my children smack you, headbutt you, pull your hair, scratch you, bite you, and the list could go on... don't laugh or do anything to encourage the behavior. I can not stop these undesirable habits if I am the only one telling the kids no. It is not cute. It is not funny. Maybe a head but from a one year old might seem funny to an adult. It probably doesn't hurt much. However, imagine how that same head butt feels to a two year old.

Every time you allow a child to act this way you are saying, "it is ok to do this!" They look to us for guidance on what is acceptable behavior in society. They do not understand, "It is ok to be rough with daddy, grandpa, uncle, or whoever, but not sister!"

So what do you do? That is the easy and hard part. Talk to them. Tell them, "Ouch, that is called (whatever they have done), and that hurts!" If they continue to do it, put them down. I tell my kids I will not play with you if you are going to do that (whatever it is). I am not saying they are perfect, but they know mommy means business!

Give them a little time out. I have been using time outs for my kids starting at 9 months.
Evie gets about a minute in time out, and Christopher gets about 30 seconds. It is usually much less. The point is to make them take a second and understand this behavior will not be accepted. It is not fun for you or the kids. Nobody likes to be the meanie, but allowing this behavior turns your angel into the meanie! You know who he is, the kid that nobody plays with because he isn't nice!

The hard part is you have to be consistent and you can't laugh at them! Ah, there's the rub! Don't even smile at them. Ignore the cuteness, and bite your lip or turn your head. They will devour you if they sense weakness! I am not kidding. My kids already know us well enough to know if we think they are funny. If they get that impression all is lost! Who doesn't want to make mommy or daddy smile!