Life changing day!

I got a new mattress from my moms today. It isn't new but ours is horrible so were gonna try and see if it works for a while.  We'd buy a new one, but we just got a new car, and when we get a new mattress I want to go all out! I want the best mattress money can buy even if it takes me 4 years to pay it off.  My hubby has serious back problems.

Anyways this is way off the topic. Evie went upstairs because she wanted to put the pillows back on my bed.  Topher went upstairs because Evie went upstairs.  I have no idea what exactly transpired.  I was still downstairs.  I didn't think anything of them being up there alone.  It wasn't for long, and I was coming up soon. 

I heard screams and crying from both kids.  So I ran up.  Evie was on the floor with one pillow under her and one above her head holding her hair down.  She was hysterical, and stained with tears.  Topher was behind the pillow that was over her hair.  It was slightly on his lap.  He was crying to.  I immediately asked what was going on.

It was difficult between all the hysterics to understand, but after a few moments I got the idea. Topher had apparently held the pillow over Evie's face!  She said she couldn't breath and was scared.  I asked Topher, why he was crying.  He said he was crying for his binkie. 

Apparently she was trying to put the pillows on my bed and he was trying to take them downstairs.  So they fought.  My son is only 3, but I have had difficulty holding him back when he is after something. The boy is a tank.  So she didn't stand a chance. 

This was very traumatic for Evie because about a half hour later she just started crying.  I asked her why she was crying.  She said when you love someone sometimes you cry.  She is 4!  Where is this coming from I thought?  I just held her and told her I loved her.  She said she was crying because she loves me and her daddy.

Approximately 30 minutes later I was putting them to bed.  Evie started talking about the incident with the pillow. So I asked, "How did it make you feel?"  She said "scared" "I thought I had to go to the hospital and then the clouds and I would never see my mommy and daddy again."  She thought she was going to die.  My daughter seriously thought her brother was going to kill her this evening.

After she said this I hugged and kissed her.  My son then said, "I was killing her."  I know he has no idea what that really means, but still I was shaken to my core.  I said "No we don't kill anyone.  It is against the rules.  It is absolutely unacceptable behavior. Promise me you will never put a pillow on someones face again."  His response was "promise me you wont hit, kick, or spit."  These are all rules we have posted on the fridge.  I constantly tell him when he breaks them that you don't do these things because they are the rules and point to the fridge for a visual. I think that is why he brought them up at this point.  I said "Ok I promise now you promise me too."  He said "trust me"  at this point in the conversation I was floored!  Who am I talking to I thought?  I said "promise me you won't put pillows on peoples faces any more"  He did.  So I hugged him and said "I trust you."

Then I realized we need to make big changes here.  No longer will Topher be allowed to play any type of violent games.  I removed his army guys, toy swords (he has 2 from medieval times), toy shield, and one hand craved wooden toy gun.  We are gonna have to be careful of what he watches.  He loves transformers, but even the cartoon is really violent.  We are gonna have to watch how he plays.  He is not to be alone with either of his sisters.  I don't know what else to do.

Know don't get me wrong.  My son is very sweet.  He is rough and tough.  He has sensory processing disorder.  He doesn't realize how strong he is.  He loves deep pressure, and bumping into things.  He doesn't understand that things like that hurt others.  He also has a high pain tolerance.  Therefore doesn't understand that things hurt others because it doesn't hurt him. 

Also he does not seem to understand the emotions of others.  He is very caring and worries about others.  He just doesn't seem to get the social cues from people to get whats going on.  I don't know if that really makes sense.  I'm trying my best to explain it, but I don't understand it fully either.  I do not think he realized what was going on, and the ramifications of his actions.  He doesn't seem to understand consequences at all.  He has severe impulse control issues as well. 

He is a good boy but very challenging (aka a hand full).  He is supposed to be in occupational therapy and behavioral therapy, but we can't afford it.

Also,  A couple weeks ago he was trying to hold her head under the water in the bath to. I feel like a failed mother.  How did things get like this?  Where did I go wrong?  What do I do? How do I fix this? 

Best friends

One thing I love about having kids so close in age that they are the best of friends, often enemies too, but were focusing on friendship here!  This is a friendship that will last their entire lifetime, one like no other, and it truly is amazing to watch.  They fight and say I'm sorry often without being told.  They help each other without being asked, and are very supportive of each other.  It is amazing.  I can't stand the fighting at times, and I am learning to take myself out of it.  I try to let them handle things as much as they can and only get involved when asked or someone is in danger of physical harm (both situations occur quite frequently)! 

It's funny at times I will hear them say "I'm mad at you" or "I'm not your friend anymore", and often they can't even tell me why.  However, it is always short lived and they are playing together again.  They make a great team, trust me I get stuck cleaning up the messes!  They switch off roles of follower and leader.  They are extremely bossy, and tattle on each other a lot.   I can't stand the name calling.  Evie hates to be called names and Topher plays on this constantly.  Then every once in a while he gets upset when she calls him a name.  It never ends, but they don't seem to mind.  Once Evie asked if she could marry Topher.  After I had told her she'd grow up and marry a man she loves.  Because she said she loves him so why couldn't they get married.  I told her it will be a different love. 

The other day Evie ran out of her room and yelled "Mom I have a real emergency!"  At first I was scared then she said "My Rapunzel is missing!"  I said "NO shes not she's lost in your messy room, go find her!"  Topher dropped what he was doing came out of the toy room and said, "What, your Rapunzel is missing?" Without another word he went with her into her room and helped her find that doll!  I was so proud of him, both of them.  I constantly tell them good teamwork.  To the point that they will point out their "Good Teamwork" before I even notice!

They get along well with their sister too, but she's a lil to young still.  She adores them and watches everything they do.  She follows them, and tries to play with them or just with their stuff.  She loves to play in Evie's room.  The kids are good with her, but Topher is always way too rough (he's just to much).  She's learning to walk and will walk to Evie before anyone else!  They are three peas in a pod and I am one lucky mother!

fighting

The fighting between my kids never stops. Many times Evie is simply the victim of Topher's inability to control his impulses, and understand what hurts and what is play. However, on occasion Evie has instigated the fight herself. Whether she is just getting pay back or deciding to take control of a situation herself she has gotten herself into a fair number of scuffles.

For instance tonight I ran to her aide, and quickly grabbed Topher off her back before he had a chance to bite into her. I had to then chase him before I could put him into time out (which doesn't work, but gives Evie the feeling that justice has been served). On my way with him to time out Evie said, "I take his binkie!" Which is a big "No No!" Even for mommy.

I asked, "Why did you take his binkie?"

Her response made me bite my tongue to keep from laughing. She matter of factly said, "I take his binkie. He naughty, I take his binkie!"

I could not believe it, and once I was sure I would not laugh or show her my smile. I very seriously said, "Mommy is the boss. If he is naughty tell mommy, and I will take binkies if they need taking!"

For now I am the boss, but she is so independent I know it won't last for long.

Topher, Sensory Integration Disorder, Update

As you may know that my son Christopher was diagnosed with sensory integration disorder earlier this year. He has occupational therapy, developmental therapy, and behavior therapy once a week for an hour each. However, he doesn't seem to be improving. He's getting more aggressive as he gets older. He doesn't seem to mean to hurt people, and doesn't understand when he does.

He has hurt his sister Evangeline on multiple occasions. One particularly bad incident he bit her back so bad she was bruised from the middle of her back to her arm and on her arm as well. This was so disturbing I took her to the doctor to show him and discuss Topher with him. He wants to have Topher evaluated by a psychologist to determine if he has a type of autism. The doctor's take on it was that since the diagnosis and medications are all so serious he would not make the call without a second doctor agreeing with it.

A week later he hit her in the face so hard that he separated the tissue that holds your upper lip to the gums in your mouth. I felt so bad. It all happened so fast. I called the doctor and informed him. He wants to put Topher on medication. If he hurts Evie once more then he will put him on the meds. Topher has bit her twice since then, but I really want to wait and have the psychologist evaluate him. Plus, when the doctor does come and evaluate him I don't want his behavior to be altered from meds. I want her to be able to see how he truly is.

For now Topher and Evie are not to be alone for more than a few seconds. I try to have one or both even come with me to the bathroom! It is exhausting! Also the aftermath of all this is that Evie is often afraid of her brother. So he may just be near her doing nothing, but she will cry and scream that he is after her. That is the worst part. I never know when something is really wrong or she is just anticipating something happening. I don't blame her, but I am so wore out. I feel horrible about it too, but I am sick of hearing her whine. Which really breaks my heart! I feel like an awful mom, but it happens off and on all day long every day! I am at the end of my rope. The psychologist doesn't come until the 21st of this month. Trust me that day could not come any sooner.

The kids and the idea of a new baby

Evie knows that mommy is going to have a baby, and is excited about it. I think. Christopher has no idea what we are talking about, and I don't think he cares either. He just glances at me or my belly and then continues whatever he is doing.

Evie on the other hand copies everything I do. So of coarse there is a baby in her belly to. The other day I ran to the bathroom and said "I am going to vomit!" Later she ran to the kitchen, because she thought that was where I went. She also said, "I am going to vomit!" She does know what vomit is. I told her no mommy vomits in the toilet not the trash can, and then I flush it away. So she went into the bathroom, and made vomit noises then flushed the toilet. When she came out she said "I vomited!" I just said "OH!" Not wanting to give it to much attention. I don't want to discourage or encourage the behavior.

She also told my husband the other day during her bath that she wants a sister, and we should name her princess Leia! I thought this was funny since she has only heard that name a couple of times. Then today she told me she had a sister in her tummy! I again just said, "Oh."

Hair pulling gone, but hitting in!

Christopher has recently stopped pulling hair, for the most part someone still gets an occasional pull. This is how I handled any unwanted behavior, every time he would pull hair I would tell him, "No we don't pull hair it hurts!" Then I would put him in the pack in play for a minute or two. He hates to be in there, and it was the only way to give him a time out without sitting on him! Timeout is great if you can keep the kids in time out for more than a second.

He does play with my hair still, and I don't know how to stop that obsession. If he wakes up at night and I'm not there he gets pissed because playing with my hair is his soothing method! I absolutely hate it. My husband will try to comfort him, but once he reaches for the hair he realizes it's not there and he gets pissed!

However, as one unwanted behavior seemed to vanish overnight another moved in! He now hits and pushes. It is almost like he is just evil. Except when you watch him he isn't doing it out of anger (usually). For example he has a water gun and because he can't use it properly he walks around hitting people with it. In his mind he is shooting them.

Unfortunately, since Evie is an easier target she is constantly getting hit by him. Don't feel to bad for her, she is no angel! She hits and pushes him just as much. I think some of this behavior she inadvertently taught him! She has been pushing him since he could walk. So now that he is bigger he's pushing back.

He is usually just playing when he hits or pushes, but sometimes he is upset. He doesn't talk much, and I'm gonna have his hearing check just to make sure. I think that he gets frustrated at time and since he doesn't know how to deal with that he hits or pushes. He also resorts to hair pulling when he is angry.

My biggest concern is when he hits his sister she hits back, and or vice versa. I feel like I am watching a wrestling match most of the day! Well some days are like watching mortal enemies along the front lines and then other days they are the best of friends. I usually don't interfere unless someone is really hurt, or going to get hurt! I really don't know what to do about this or if their is anything I can do.

Evie the meanie

Lately Evie has been smacking me. Only me, and I don't know why. She is a little rough with her brother, but he is rough with her to. She halls of and smacks me periodically throughout the day. Sometimes she is really excited when we are playing and I know she doesn't mean it. However, sometimes she smacks me when she is mad. If she doesn't want me to do something or if she doesn't like what is going on. She has it me about 5 times in the past few days. Other times I stop her before she makes contact. I always put her in time out and tell her that it is not ok to hit. I never hit her so I don't know why she thinks it is ok to hit. I think she is jealous of her brother he has been getting more attention lately because his canines and molars are coming in. That is my only guess at why she is doing this. I try to give them equal attention.

The Dentist Visit!

The visit wasn't as bad as I thought. It was hard having to get her up early, despite the fact that she has been getting up earlier than usual the past few weeks. I still had to wake her up and I hate that. I hoped Christopher would sleep until after I left, but no such luck. He was mad he didn't get to go, but enjoyed playing with daddy. Daddy was very tired because he works nights, and even though this was on a morning that he didn't work before he was still very tired. He has a hard time sleeping at night on his nights off. I kept waking up and reminding him he needed to sleep, but he didn't. Sure enough he was tired as hell that morning. He said, "You should have got someone to watch Christopher!" At that point it was to late. Not to mention he was rude when I "politely" reminded him he would have to be up before 8 and it would probably take 2 hours. He handled it well even though he was tired, but the house didn't! I think Christopher played with everything!

Evie was excited when we got there because of the toys in the play area. I signed in and waited. First they took us back and gave her two types of medication to sedate her. I don't remember what they were. She took them very well. Even though the assistant said the one tasted bad. I could tell by Evie's face that if was gross! We had to make her drink the last little bit, or at least persuade her a little. She did great. I was amazed. I had expected a battle. Then we went to the waiting room and waited.

I paid and made her next appointment so after wards I had nothing to worry about but her. Then we waited for the drugs to kick in. It didn't take long first she started to stumble around then slur her speech. It got so bad she couldn't walk, but she kept trying. I had to help her a lot. Then she got tired so she laid in my lap. She would drift off the jump up and start talking. I could hardly understand her what she would say. She climbed into the dentist's toy box and laid down. It was funny. I video taped a little with my camera, but don't know how to get the video off of the SD card. My computer didn't recognize it.

Finally, they called us back. I had to carry her of coarse. We went into the room and on the dentist chair (you know the laid back kind) was a board like they use on ambulances when someone has a head or neck injury. They laid her down on it. Their was a mesh blanket with Velcro straps all along it. That wrapped around her to hold her down. She had a blood pressure cuff on one arm and a oxygen thing on the other. She didn't like the thing on her finger for the oxygen, and pulled her arm out of the blanket right away. So they let me hold that hand. I was glad to do something!

They put the gas mask over her nose. It was red and scented like strawberries. I asked her if she smelled the strawberries. She said, "Yeah, strawberries!" But I could hardly understand it. In fact it took me a few seconds to realize what she said. Then they put sunglasses on her. Pooh glasses. I know she liked that she loves sun glasses. It was so cute, but you could barely see her face.

Then they began. It only took about 30 min for them to fix all 4 teeth. The first two went smooth. They drilled, then filled them, and used some type of UV like light to dry the sealer quickly. The second two must have hurt, because she began to squirm and fuss. I started talking to her and she relaxed. Then it was all over. Come back in a week! She got a couple stickers and a balloon!

When we got to the car the worst of it started. She was cranky. She was tired and now hungry! They said no food until the sedation wore off so she wouldn't choke. I gave her chocolate milk when we got home. She was fine with that. However, she wanted mommy and so did brother. Who although he was fine with daddy realized he missed mommy when I got home. I thought he was tired, because he too was cranky. So I literally had both kids just screaming and crying. Christopher also wanted Evie's balloon. She was in no mood to share. She tired to lay down with it. I laid down with both of them and turned on cartoons. Christopher did not want to sleep. Lucky for me Evie fell asleep fast! I made sure she was comfortable and safe. Then I took Christopher and ran a few errands really quick. Daddy and Evie were both asleep in the king size family bed. Which could be just a little bit bigger if you asked me!

Our first stop ruining errand was the dentist's office to ask for another balloon for jealous brother. It had to come from there because if it wasn't the same Evie would then be jealous! The end teeth fixed and disaster averted!

I

What I like best!

I know that the last year hasn't been easy. Having kids so close in age is far from easy. Some days I don't know how I made it this far. Then I look at their smiling faces and I remember why and how I did it. They make every difficulty and sacrifice well worth it.

The best thing is how close they are. Despite being so young they are already great friends. They are happy to see each other every day when one wakes up in the morning and from naps. They love to play with each other. They worry about each other when one of them is crying. They figure things out together (more often as they get older) without help from mommy and daddy. They truly have a unique and wonderful relationship that will last a lifetime. Something that most people never get to have. They really are the best of friends.

Not that all day it is buddy buddy around here. However, they can be fighting one minute and laughing the next. I only interrupt when it is not fair or when someone can get hurt.

Honesty!

I know this honest stage will pass, but I love it.

I heard a horrible cry from my son so I rushed into the bedroom to see what was wrong. I find him rubbing his face and his sister sitting quietly near him. He runs to me crying. As I pick him up I ask, "Did you hit your brother?"

"Yeah, MaMa!" was the response I got sounding very calm quiet and matter of fact.

I told her, "We don't hit! Tell BoBo (her nickname for him) sorry!" All the while I am holding back a smile.

He was fine, and was already back to playing. She looked at him and said, "Sorry, BoBo!" As she kissed his forehead!

I just thought, "It would be nice if this type of honesty lasted forever!

MINE!

It seems that sometime during the night this week my daughter was replaced with a "MINE" monster. All of a sudden everything is "MINE". Things she freely shared yesterday are not without a price today. I have tried asking her to share, but she just throws a tantrum crying as if her life depended upon it. She does this with things that she never plays with and things that aren't even hers. Suddenly whatever her brother has is hers, and it is very special to her.

I still ask her to share, but I know the response will be tear soaked checks so I redirect. As quick as I can I happily bring up anything that I can that is not related to the item. This works about half the time or at least for a few minutes. The rest of the time I end up taking the toy away. Due to the fact that Christopher had the toy first he is very hesitant to let it go. So a tug of war match erupts, and never ends well. Evie has become an expert at pushing down her brother. Which I am not to happy about. I use time outs, but they are young and it will take time.

I know that neither of my children are capable of sharing yet. However, I still want to encourage that type of behavior. On good days they do share, and do so without any interventions from me at all.

Sibling Rivalry!

I can not believe that my kids are fighting already. I did expect fights, but not this soon. The other day I put a cars tee shirt on my son. It was his shirt, but the problem was that I had allowed my daughter to wear it over the summer. My in-laws bought it months ago, and since it was to big for my son at the time I figured why not let Evie wear it. When I put it on him she was so mad. She signed cars and pointed at Christopher while she screamed. I was taken off guard I did not expect this. I told her he could wear it, and that she was already wearing a shirt so she couldn't wear it. This helped for a little bit then the tantrum hit again. Again I insisted there was nothing wrong with him wearing it and she had to share.

This was only the beginning of the brother sister madness over the week. My daughter has a pink toy laptop. We figured it would keep her busy when we were on our laptop. (Didn't really work!). However, she still plays with it. One day she sat on the living room floor with it and instantly brother noticed. He is mobile now. So within seconds he was at her side grabbing as babies do. This would not do. She began screaming as he grabbed and pulled. He is the stronger of the two, and would win this battle if I let it continue. I put her on the couch with the toy, and gave him something else to play with. He wasn't having it. He crawled to the couch and pulled himself up. Unfortunately, he couldn't reach his sister. He decided to scream out as he stretched as far as he could in hopes of obtaining the toy.

Again I was not ready for this. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't take the toy away for Evie. After all it wasn't her fault. Her brother loves her and is amazed by everything she does. He wants to be a part of it. Anything she has he wants. He always tries to be near her, and smiles the moment she walks in the room. He just doesn't know how to be gentle.

At 20lbs he is almost bigger than his 23lb sister. Soon he will be the bigger little brother. I want to be fair, and thought I knew how to handle these things. I was prepared for this type of stuff, when they get older. I had no idea it would happen so soon.

Siblings Love or Hate?

My son adores my daughter. He watches everything she does so intently. He pays more attention to her than to me! He gets excited when she is near and tries to grab hold of her. Does he think she is a toy? Or maybe he just can't wait to play with her. He has grabbed her hair on a number of occasions and her shirt is another of his favorites.

Once I thought they were both playing together so well. They looked like they were both examining the same thing very intently so I grabbed the camera. Only to discover their heads were so close together because Christopher had Evangeline's hair and she couldn't get away. When she finally pulled away she pulled back so hard she landed on her bottom. It didn't stop her from coming back to play some more though. However, upon her return she held her hand up as if to say, "Stop"! He just grabbed her shirt, which made it even harder for her to pull away.

She loves him to. She lays next to him on the floor, often putting her head on his or on his back. She constantly kisses him. In fact I am positive she gave him RSV when he was two months old. Hey, brothers and sisters gotta share right! She gives him toys and his binkie. She tries to feed him his bottle. She won't share her lovey, her blanket called "Softy".

She was given a cookie monster doll one night. When Christopher saw it he fell in love. The next morning I asked her if she wanted it. She did the sign for "Baby". So I asked her do you want me to give Cookie Monster to your baby brother. She did the proud laugh that says, "You understood me!" So I gave it to her brother who laughed hysterically while he tried to chew on Cookie Monster's eyes. What an awesome sister, Huh?

A little too awesome, she shares to much, I almost had a heart attack when I realized she would also try to feed him. She was eating yogurt, and he was in his jumperoo. He looked like he had spit up, but it was pink. He didn't eat anything pink so I was worried. I smelled it. It smelled like yogurt so of coarse I tasted it! Yep, it was strawberry yogurt. Evie has given him some. No more walking around with food!!! Yikes!

The problem is she also smacks him at times. I tell her no to be nice or careful, but as if to spite me she smacks him harder. I don't know if she understands. I really think she does. That is why it bothers me so much. He doesn't seem to mind. He is a tank! At 6months he is over 17 lbs. Friday I will know how much for sure, his 6month check up. He fervently kicks anything that touches his feet. So I am sure when he does this she thinks he is kicking her.

I know there will be fights and sometimes it won't be pretty, but I'd like to do the best I can to prevent them. Sometimes I can see it in Evie's eyes the disappointment when she needs me or wants me, but I am taking care of Chris. She cries a little, but on most occasions she seems to understand and just waits.