The long week! AKA the week from hell!

I haven't posted much this week for a number of reasons.  I have been so tired because of all we had going on!
Monday we ran errands, and had to take my husband to the dentist for an emergency visit.  A filling he just had done 4 days prior just spilt and fell apart! Fun!

Tuesday I had a colonoscopy because I have been having some problems. They are not fixed I am just going to see another doctor because the test was normal.  Great! I guess I have hemroids I don't know and erectociel.  I don't even know how to spell those or if they are even the right words.  I was still on the anesthetic when the doctor talked to me.  I don't know why he even did a colonoscopy he must have needed money for his vacation!  He spent five minutes with me at an appointment and said lets do a colonoscopy.  I figured he knew what he was talking about. Now I am not so sure!

Wednesday the day started so bad.  Hubby and I were not getting along.  Later, I had such a bad headache my husband had to come home from work to help me and to take care of the kids because I couldn't. Earlier that day the kids and I ran errands and on the way home I had to stop to call my brother and his girlfriend so they could drive us home because my migraine got so bad I couldn't see to drive!

Thursday hubby took vacation to be with me because he was having a bad time at work and we weren't getting along.  The day started bad with us talking about divorce and me thinking I'd go stay at my moms.  The tone quickly changed and we spent the day together.  It was a nice day with the family.  I still had a headache and wasn't feeling my best.  I think a lot of it was due to stress.
 
Friday Treated the carpets at my moms house because her 6 dogs have a lot of accidents! Then we dropped the kids off at my cousins because I had to have surgery.  I had a lipoma on my upper thigh.  We thought it was the size of a golf ball, but got in there and the dr realized it was bigger than my fists! 

Saturday I was in pain and feeling bad didn't do to much thank goodness for my hubby!  Hubby steam cleaned my moms carpets!

Sunday I was still hurting but we had big plans for today we took the kids to see Hop (great movie but my 3 year old didn't sit quietly all through it)!  Then took the kids to my cousins to watch them because hubby and I were meeting with pastor for martial counseling. 

Monday basically a good day.  Hubby and I are doing good.  He texted me today and asked me to marry him, and I said Yes! 

Mad, but not mad!

Ok, I am mad. I don't think I should be mad, but I am. Today after work (he works nights) my husband went out with the guys for a few drinks. This is not the problem. He should go out every once in a while. The problem is well it is a couple of things.

First he didn't call me to tell me he was going out until he was already out. Not to mention I received the call 2 hours after he was supposed to be home from work. Yes, I was starting to worry. He said he had a meeting, went to the bank, and called me when he got to the bar. He didn't have a phone with him so he had to borrow a buddies phone. Fine.

Why didn't you call before you left work? I don't know. Plus, he called me not on the house phone, but on my cell. Which he knows that I usually don't answer when at home! I felt like he was being a sneaky kid. Trying to get the voice mail and leave a message so I couldn't or wouldn't yell. He said, "It was the first number I thought of!" Ok, fine. I'm not in the habit of calling him a liar, so I accepted this shaky argument!

My second problem with hubby's day out is that he was out until 2pm. No big deal you say! Well his 2pm is a normal persons 2am. Think about that! On top of that we only have 1 car so the kids and I were stuck at home all day. Again, no big deal. I did have places I wanted to go, but nothing really important. I wanted us to go as a family. That's not entirely true I would have gone with my sister if she had come into town. She was to tired, she's the one with the newborn!

I am more jealous than mad I guess. So mostly these are excuses to be mad. I could never go out for any length of time without the kids. I wouldn't have fun. I would be driven crazy by visions of horrible things that may or may not happen. As if they wouldn't happen if I were there. I hardly ever go or do anything without the kids and when I do I feel naked! I know that doesn't sound right, but having my kids with me is so normal just like getting dressed! It's just what I do! I wouldn't have things any other way, though. I don't ever want to miss anything in either of my kids lives. I really feel like hubby misses out on too much! You can never get these days back, once they are gone they are gone. Kids grow up so fast!

So I am mad, but I am not mad. I know hubby works hard to support us and deserves some outlet. I don't approve of the bar with his buddies. It is not my cup of tea, but that really isn't my place to judge. Or is it? I guess there are worse and more expensive things he could do. Plus, he hardly ever goes out. I am trying to cut him some slack. I just don't think he should go when I can't. I don't feel comfortable leaving the kids with anyone for a long time, and if I did I would go some where with him, not by myself. Maybe I need to! I guess the problem is more me than if is him! Bummer! Again, these are probably some of my postpartum issues that have yet to be addressed.

Not to move!

Despite the fact that I feel the move to a 3 bedroom apartment is necessary we have decided not to move. Mainly because the apartment is almost exactly the same as our current apartment, but costs $60 more. My husband says he is not going to pay more for the same size place. I understand especially the way the economy is today.

However, at the same time we really need 3 bedrooms. Christopher is a light sleeper, and moves around a lot. His own room would be quieter, and warmer than ours so he could sleep comfortable. If Evie had her own room we could work on getting her to sleep in her own bed. I know she will scream and fight it, and we can't even try it with Christopher in our room. He would never be able to sleep. Then I would have 2 cranky screaming babies!

Never enough time!

I never have enough time in the day. There is always something I didn't do that I wanted or needed to. After a while it wears on you. Then you start to miss sleep because you are to stressed out to sleep or you are trying to catch up on things whenever you can.

Unfortunately I just get overwhelmed when I don't get enough sleep. Then every body suffers. Because then I don't get time to myself. So it becomes a trade off either catch up on sleep or have me time, guess what i pick the sleep! Sometimes no matter how tired you are you just can't sleep! Especially when your mind is bogged down with the day and all they days before. You get stuck in a cycle where time becomes your enemy. Then I end up becoming my husbands enemy, because I can be nice to the kids no matter what, but the rest of the world needs to watch out when I'm not happy.