Mad, but not mad!

Ok, I am mad. I don't think I should be mad, but I am. Today after work (he works nights) my husband went out with the guys for a few drinks. This is not the problem. He should go out every once in a while. The problem is well it is a couple of things.

First he didn't call me to tell me he was going out until he was already out. Not to mention I received the call 2 hours after he was supposed to be home from work. Yes, I was starting to worry. He said he had a meeting, went to the bank, and called me when he got to the bar. He didn't have a phone with him so he had to borrow a buddies phone. Fine.

Why didn't you call before you left work? I don't know. Plus, he called me not on the house phone, but on my cell. Which he knows that I usually don't answer when at home! I felt like he was being a sneaky kid. Trying to get the voice mail and leave a message so I couldn't or wouldn't yell. He said, "It was the first number I thought of!" Ok, fine. I'm not in the habit of calling him a liar, so I accepted this shaky argument!

My second problem with hubby's day out is that he was out until 2pm. No big deal you say! Well his 2pm is a normal persons 2am. Think about that! On top of that we only have 1 car so the kids and I were stuck at home all day. Again, no big deal. I did have places I wanted to go, but nothing really important. I wanted us to go as a family. That's not entirely true I would have gone with my sister if she had come into town. She was to tired, she's the one with the newborn!

I am more jealous than mad I guess. So mostly these are excuses to be mad. I could never go out for any length of time without the kids. I wouldn't have fun. I would be driven crazy by visions of horrible things that may or may not happen. As if they wouldn't happen if I were there. I hardly ever go or do anything without the kids and when I do I feel naked! I know that doesn't sound right, but having my kids with me is so normal just like getting dressed! It's just what I do! I wouldn't have things any other way, though. I don't ever want to miss anything in either of my kids lives. I really feel like hubby misses out on too much! You can never get these days back, once they are gone they are gone. Kids grow up so fast!

So I am mad, but I am not mad. I know hubby works hard to support us and deserves some outlet. I don't approve of the bar with his buddies. It is not my cup of tea, but that really isn't my place to judge. Or is it? I guess there are worse and more expensive things he could do. Plus, he hardly ever goes out. I am trying to cut him some slack. I just don't think he should go when I can't. I don't feel comfortable leaving the kids with anyone for a long time, and if I did I would go some where with him, not by myself. Maybe I need to! I guess the problem is more me than if is him! Bummer! Again, these are probably some of my postpartum issues that have yet to be addressed.