My angels!

My angels!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Whats going on in his head?

I feel like I am running into a brick wall. We know that something is off with our 3 year old, Christopher AKA Topher.  He does many odd things, and doesn't get many social concepts.  Getting an actual diagnosis so we know how to handle him has been impossible.  The pediatrician says "there is definitely something there" "psychological not neurological".  That is the closest to a diagnosis we've gotten. 

We saw a psychologist at the Children's Hospital in Chicago.  Great hospital, but this was ridiculous, and a waist of time.  We came in once a week and sat in a tiny tiny TINY room. Where she asked me questions, listened to me talk, and somehow watched Toper.  How can she assess him in such an awkward place? He wasn't his normal self.  She gave him a couple of diagnoses Oppositional defiance disorder (ODD), middle child syndrome, and sensory integration disorder.  My son gets tons and tons of attention.  He does not act the way he does to get attention.  In fact most of the time he yells at me to leave him alone, and screams to not be touched or hugged!

Another psychologist saw him in our home from a government sponsored program called first steps.  They also provided speech, occupational, and developmental therapy once a week as well.  This psychologist was to eval Topher for autism.  The pediatrician suspected high functioning autism.  She said "No way is he autistic.  He is way to social." 

The school evaluated him to see if he qualified for services in developmental preschool.  They said he is way to smart.  He doesn't qualify.  Just because he is smart doesn't mean he doesn't need help. He is super smart.  However, has trouble processing things.  He doesn't understand other people and their emotions or social cues at all.  He accidentally head butted me today I yelled "Ouch!" He bust up laughing.  Either he didn't get it, or he likes hurting people. 

The pediatrician and psychologists both agree he has sensory integration dysfunction.  He needs both occupational and developmental therapy.  Our insurance covers them but leaves a 20.00 copay.  That is 40.00 a week plus costs of gas.  I can't afford it right now!  I don't know what to do.  There has to be something.  I feel lost and like a failure to my son.

Kindness

Ally is in her pack n play.  She hates it.  She was fussing cause she wants out.  Her sister Evie, is 4, and came over talked to her and showed her a bunch of her toys.  She is now playing contently with the toys Evie got her interested in.  Evie's compassion and kindness for others never ceases to amaze me. 

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Oh, where did the day go!

I got to sleep in today!  Whoo hoooo, that doesn't happen often.  The older to got up and watched tv.  Ally woke up and ate then went back to sleep!  Awesome.  But that put our entire day off balance.  Ally slept in so took a late nap.  Which put everything late.  We were gonna go to my moms to visit, but by the time we were in the car it was 5:30! We still needed to go grocery shopping!  So a quick (as quick as possible) trip to Wal-Mart was all we had time for.  We stopped at McDonald's of coarse for dinner. 

It was so nice out still when we got home I took the kids for a little walk in our neighborhood.  Where we might have lost a bottle because I can't find one!  Ally is almost 10 months and now we lose a bottle! I am so bummed.  I either dropped it somewhere or she carried it off somewhere (she's a walker now)! She also unrolled a roll of toilet paper and snuck up the stairs today.  I do have a safety gate, but my 4 year old opened it!  And they all went up!  I was close behind, but she got up 3 stairs before I realized it! 

So the kids didn't get to bed until 8:30 and it took the older two forever to fall asleep!  Now here I am blogging instead of sleeping.  I must thou!  It is my therapy, and helps me keep my sanity!  Evie remembered we were supposed to go to grandma's.  I got off the hook with maybe we can go tomorrow!  Hope she forgets I have no intention of going anywhere tomorrow! 

Friday, April 1, 2011

The Crazy Lady Got Out!

I am losing my mind. Tonight I got so frustrated at the kids I yelled so loud my throat hurt.  After that I told them "mommy needs a time out!  Watch your movie, and do not fight!" Then I left the room.  I was and am so upset with myself.  I am so impatient these days.  I don't know who I am sometimes.  It seems like there is so much going on I can't focus and can't remember things.  It is driving me crazy.  Plus, add in kids screaming all day!  It's enough to make you lose it. 

I told them I was sorry and we decided they would be good and I wouldn't yell tomorrow. I didn't even realize I was yelling till after I did it!  I just don't want to be like my mom she always yelled and never listened.  At the same time I don't want my kids to think they can talk their way out of listening to me. If that makes sense.

 I just feel so bad.  This isn't who I wanted to be as a parent.  I didn't want to yell or spank my kids.  I wanted to be the nice mom that listens and always knows what to say and how to handle things!  I'm just not sure I know how to be her!  I guess the fact that I realize this and I want to correct it has to be a step in the right direction.  I think I am just overwhelmed.  That's why I am blogging again.  This is something for me and my sanity! I need it back! 

I just don't know what to do for discipline and punishments.  Topher doesn't respond to much.  He either laughs at me if I spank him or shuts down.  Time outs are also very challenging.  He is definitely a full time job.  Often watching him alone is very exhausting.  Evie is to smart.  She talks back and can be very nasty.  She refuses to clean up anything.  Ally is just a baby, getting into everything and everywhere!  I am stuck in the middle maintaining the peace, keeping everyone healthy, and at the same time trying to have a clean house as well.  Maybe I am just chasing the impossible and need to lower some of my expectations here.  A person can only do so much.