Starting therapy!

Well at Topher's 3 year old check up our pediatrician recommended occupational therapy (OT) and Behavioral therapy.  We procrastinated starting the therapy, because of the concern for the cost.  I am still very concerned of whether or not we can afford the therapy.  However, that concern is now overshadowed by my fear of whether or not we can afford not to have him in therapy.  I guess I will never know until we try it out.

He had his initial intake appointments this week.  The OT wants to see him twice a week.  "Just great!"  My reaction!  Even more stress, more gas money, more everything!  Plus, my insurance is giving me a run around of what and how they cover this.  Basically, I am being told they won't know until they process the claim!  Even thou the therapist called with all the codes they needed to process a claim.  I can't get a direct answer.  I understand that to some point.  But come on!  I need to know what I am looking at here for costs.  If its to high I don't want to find out after I have a bill I can not afford.

So here we go trying it out!  Praying it helps and is worth all this stress. 

Seriously insane

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein

The way I am raising my son is seriously insane, according to Albert Einstein.  I am just at the end of my rope.  Everything that I am doing isn't working.  So I finally broke down and set up his occupational therapy and behavioral therapy.  We start next week.  Hopefully, they can use their expertise and help me handle his behavior.

I am tired of dealing with his outbursts after they happen.  I want to know why these things happen and how to prevent them.  Nothing we have done so far has helped.  We haven't even been given a concrete diagnosis. 

He is so defiant.  He is so rough.  He is so wild.  Then other times he is so quiet, easy going, and loving.  You seriously never know what you're gonna get.  I got twins in one kid!  It's driving me crazy.  But reality hit hard when I realized I shouldn't have to tell Evie to avoid her brother (at any time) because of the mood he is in he might hurt her.  That is crazy.

Topher, Sensory Integration Disorder, Update

Well I am so upset.  Topher aged out of first steps.  A government program where he was getting weekly Occupational therapy OT, Developmental therapy DT, speech therapy, and twice a month psych visits.  I wasn't worried at the time because I thought he would go to developmental preschool through the local school system.  Well they said he doesn't qualify "he's to smart!".  What the heck does being smart have to do with needing special help or not?  He still needs help.  I honestly think the teacher just didn't want to deal with him, but I can't prove it.  So the doctor wants him to get OT and DT privately.  He does need it, but it will cost me 40.00 a week plus gas.  I can't really afford that, but can we afford for him not to go? 

He's a very good kid, but different. It's often like he doesn't even hear you talk to him or can't process it.  Sometimes he is so wild and out of control, and other times he just wants to lay around and watch tv all day!  Sometimes he is loving and polite.  Other times he is demanding, rude, loud, obnoxious, and will cry if you touch him.  You never know what your gonna get.  He still has melt downs quite frequently, and often without any warning.  He has gotten better with his sisters.  He will slide on the floor into Ally (she's 9 months) knocking her over like a bowling pin.  He will hug her (squeezing quite hard) then twist and they both fall to the floor.  He squeezes her face (this usually doesn't hurt her but she doesn't like it either).  It's like he can't not touch her. 

It just seems to be always something. He is truly exhausting (on the bad days).  Other days he is the sweetest boy on the planet.  It is almost insane how fast his moods can change!  He is also extremely difficult to discipline, and I absolutely hate to spank him. When we had kids we decided we didn't want to spank our kids, and I feel like a failure for having done so at times.  A couple times it was a reaction. 

He has kicked me in the face so hard during diaper changes that he has given me migraines, these were on accident he is extremely sensitive genitalia.  He often can't stand to be even touched with a wet wipe for cleaning or even putting ointment on.  But He doesn't seem to get the message if he has to pee until afterwards so potty training has been a bust.  He will also sit in a wet diaper until it leaks.  I have to check him frequently and even when he's wet he will deny it! 

Once he was extremely hyper for whatever reason and accidentally knocked me out.  I was sitting on the couch.  He had both hands on the couch and was jumping up and down.  I was talking to him, but he didn't seem to notice.  Usually, when he does this I grab his shoulders and make eye contact.  I tried he jumped and hit me in my temple.  Everything went dark and I crumbled to the ground.  I opened my eyes, and I was crying with a horrific headache.  It took a minute to realize what happened.  Evie was standing over me very upset and worried about me.  Topher was laughing.  I yelled so bad it scared him "Go to your room!"  He ran to his room.  Thank God, because I have never hurt my kids, but I knew if I spanked him at that moment we would all have been in trouble.  I needed a few moments alone. 

He is very smart and at 3 tested for speech at a 5year old level. He has very advanced pretend play.  He can't grasp emotions of others.  He doesn't get consequences for things.  He does what he wants or needs to in that moment with no thought for the future.  He lines his cars up all through my house, and does other bizarre things when he plays.  He doesn't usually get mad if I move the cars.  It depends on why I moved them and if he agrees with my reasons for moving them.  If he thinks he needs to do something you have to let him do it even if he can't.  For example if he wants to open the door, you have to let him try, and wait for him to ask for help.  Otherwise he will have a full tantrum, and its not worth it!

Life with my son is hard to explain because he is a very good kid.  He just doesn't get it.  He just can't control himself.  He is just Topher. 

Fast day

Today went by to fast. I think. We had so much going on today that it wore us all out, and we didn't even finish everything. I think my problem is that I want to do too many things in a day. It is just not possible to be two places at once, but I haven't mastered time management enough yet. Which I really need to with another baby on the way. I am working on being able to make a daily schedule, like in school! So when the bell rings I know what comes next no matter what. I'd love to be that organized.

Evie had preschool today, but at first she didn't want to go. I know it was because she was tired this morning. She didn't go to sleep until around 11 last night. I caught her crawling out of the bedroom! I guess she thought if she crawled I wouldn't see her. It wasn't a baby type crawl either, but more like a commando low crawl (she meant business)! She didn't escape though.

Christopher has behavioral therapy this morning to. So I had to hurry and get the house clean, or clean enough for other people to come in! It went well. He was being silly. This was the first time I have ever seen him act shy. He hid behind our couch! Then he refused to talk to her for most of the time. Oh, well! This was the first visit, and it was more of an interview anyways to see what he needs.

My sister came by to. Which was nice because I got to visit with my nephew, he's 6 months and really starting to develop his own personality. He gets freaked out by Christopher, who is very loud at times. We spent most of the day visiting. I had wanted to take the kids to see Toy Story, but Christopher took a late nap. Which means he slept to late for us to go. That just meant we got to visit more, and save money!

I am completely exhausted so I didn't get much done today. I'm tired because I didn't get any sleep last night. That's my own fault. I stayed up to late online! Sometimes that is the only way I get time to myself. It's a trade off. I'm hoping to go to bed soon! Keep your fingers crossed!

Other than that I just get sore aches every now and then. Some abdominal cramping, and occasional breast tenderness. I am going to have my doctor send me for an ultrasound though. Because whenever I sneeze or cough I get a sharp stabbing pain in my left pelvic region.