The princess!

My daughter is definitely a princess. She is cute, independent, outgoing, demanding, and we are completely wrapped around her tiny fingers. One example is the new bed daddy got her for her birthday. Despite already having a toddler bed daddy ordered her a bed that is more fitting with who she is! She is totally into Dora right now. This is our princess in her new bed, that I put together while both her and her brother attempted to help me! Which was not fun at all, for me. After, a painstakingly (Literally, I hurt my hand during the construction, not to mention the horrific headache the instructions gave me. Since when are instructions only pictures and no words!) putting together this bed in the living room I realized it wouldn't fit into the bedroom. I had to take off the canopy. Duh, You might say, but this did not dawn on my sleep deprived brain. My daughter didn't want it moved, and at that point if we had room in the living room I would have left it there. The only thing not Dora on the bed is her Wall-E pillow.

Time for bed, Please!

Last night I though for sure I would have my kids in bed at a descent time. I was wrong. By 9 my son fell asleep only to wake up an hour later and stay up till almost 1am. My daughter just refused to sleep. She wanted to watch tv. Each time I tried to turn off the tv she threw a fit. Since I didn't want her to disturb her brother I caved. Finally after midnight I ran out of patience. I told daddy to pic a kid and help me or else. He did and within minutes each kid was asleep. He turned off the tv and dealt with my daughters pleas, while I dealt with Christopher. So they both were able to sleep without bothering each other.

I know I need to make changes, but I don't know what to do or how to do it. Every thing tells me the way things should be, but not steps to make it happen.

I always felt this would just stop and at some magic day the kids would sleep all night. That day still has not come for either of them. I'm losing my mind. Feeling like a failure and moody from no sleep.

A change in my name.

All of a sudden today Evie started calling me "mommy". So I graduated from "MaMa" to "Mommy"! I think that is a step up. I know it sounds soooo much better. Or at least it sounds like the cutest thing on Earth.

Depressed or sleep deprived or both?

Since the birth of my son I have been worried about my emotional state. I have been concerned about my depression. I think I have post partum depression. I do not and will not take drugs for it unless the safety of my children is in question. A lot of my problem could be due to a lack of sleep.

I have been doing some reading, attempting to find a way to get my kids to sleep better. The results have made me aware of how sleep deprived I am, and the side effects of such deprivation. Many of the side effects are similar to the symptoms of depression. So I wonder what is the case for me. Is the solution just as simple as more sleep or is the problem bigger than I am willing to admit.


You might find that we have many of these problems in common. Or you may be wondering what is the big deal, because some of these things bother everyone everyday. The problem is that all of these things are bothering me daily, and they are just getting worse. Really bad lately since my kids won't sleep and are really cranky all day long.

The worst part is when I lose my cool and feel like a horrible mommy, making everything much worse! I have yelled at my kids! Not a lot, but more than a 1 or 2 year old deserve. Some times I find myself telling them "Just stop crying." I haven't and would not hit them. However, still "My patience is gone!"


The best thing is that they don't hold a grudge usually within minutes of yelling I tell them, "Sorry mommy got so mad at you for...." Then I kiss and hug them. If I cry my oldest says, "Don't cry mommy!" They both usually give me kisses at this point. The greatest thing about kids is they can always make you smile and bring the sun out from behind the clouds!


One thing is that I wake up at the slightest sound. My daughter was laughing in her sleep, I rolled over and had to check on her. Another thing is that my imagination runs havic so I have to check my kids many times. Not every night but A LOT of nights! Most days I feel foggy and sluggish. I constantly misplace things and forget what I am doing or why I am in a room!

I feel like such a failure as a mother. Especially since my kids are getting older and still facing baby problems. Such as not sleeping, taking bottles, and binkies. I have decided the binkies will wait for bigger problems to be solved. I have also decided that bottles will wait until sleep issues are solved. I believe my kids will be more susceptible to the idea of getting off the bottle when they have had adequate sleep! Now how to do that I don't know since I can't even get enough sleep myself.